Emotional well being

Emotional well being is very hard to put into words because on one level our emotions are bodily responses from our old animal brain via the unconscious nervous system and so can’t really be explained with the use of language, they are ‘feelings,’ emotions that over many thousands of years have evolved to move us away from perceived danger and towards perceived safety.

The important word here is ‘perceived‘ – we no longer life in a world where we have to use our old animal instincts daily, yet they are still running in the background, unaware that the world we live in has moved from real danger like being eaten to perceived dangers such as will my boss like me, will my partner leave me etc.

It seems like the unconscious nervous system listens to the voices in our head and has no choice but to respond to their fearfulness (or happiness) and generate the appropriate feelings and emotions. Once you recognise this you can see that it is very possible to think bad thoughts and get bad feelings or think good thoughts and get good feelings, try it.

So, to me, emotional well being is being able to recognise that emotions are nothing to be scared of and are the result of lots of worry or negative ruminations in your mind, when you can see this for yourself and play around with it for a while you will realise that it is possible to choose your emotions in any situation, you could choose gratitude or anger or calmness or forgiveness. This is a big step initially because we think our emotions are true, that they really reflect what we feel and how the world around us is making us feel

This is one of the key lessons to learn, that we can choose our emotions and reactions, if we wish, although it takes time and lots of practice

However, to do this we need to see life from a new paradigm, one where we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, where we accept that we have strengths and weaknesses and if we just let our flaws be our flaws, then nobody can attack us – they are just our flaws. Our ego doesn’t need to cover them up or mask them, we are just what we are and that is fine.

Not listening to the racing mind

It is one thing to not want a racing mind and quite another to make it stop! I feel the real way to handle intrusive ruminations is to realise that these voices in your mind are characters and they are talking to each other, not you. Predominantly they are the judge and the victim and they watch everything around you and have a running commentary about what is right or wrong, good or bad, what should have happened and what should not have happened, so many judgements about fairness, luck, life and people.

By accepting that these characters are talking to each other based on your old self beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of, you will begin to see that you don’t have to believe them, in fact, it is laughable to believe them – just because that voice says ‘you are stupid’ doesn’t make it so.

It may be hard to stop them talking, however, it is possible to not believe them or to doubt them, to use them to uncover errors in your thinking.

Self awareness and out of date self beliefs

Therefore emotional well being is about stepping outside of emotional responses triggered by the ego’s fears, it’s about not believing the commentary in your mind and it is about taking a journey of self discovery to find the old out of date beliefs that unconsciously run in the background and erroneously underpin our thoughts and actions.

We are so much more than we were 10 years ago, 20 years ago or even one year ago, yet our mind references back to our past looking for confirmation that backs up our doubts ‘I must be useless because that teacher said so….’ or ‘I failed that exam again therefore I will never be able to pass exams..’

Real change comes when you begin to doubt those doubts, identify those unhelpful self beliefs and replace them with new ones that are aligned with your vision for the future, assuming that you know what your future needs to look like, and that is a whole other story.

Sometimes we are too close to our feelings and emotions to be able to see this and break it down to reveal the myths beneath, that’s when a mentor or a therapist can help you to gently explore yourself in a more productive manner, so you can master your emotions and have calmness and choice at the very foundation of all your interactions with life, then confidence and self respect  just naturally follow.

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