Alternative attitudes to food and feeling hungry

Whatever hunger sensation is felt, we stop talking about it in our mind; we stop languaging it and giving it a label. Instead, we go into that inner experience and let go of resisting it.

The reason for this is because there is a limited amount of sensation that comes up. The mind thinks “If I don’t satisfy this, I’m going to have hungry feelings continuously.” That is not the case. So, when these sensations arise, stop everything and just sit (or better lie down) and focus on it. Don’t let anything else distract you and it will disappear in a couple of minutes. We can then just go about our business.

We want to break the cycle of labelling the sensations as “hunger” when it appears and then satisfying it with food. It is merely the willingness to experience what, in the beginning, may seem like some discomfort, or, in other words, to experience this sensation without satiating it right away. As we do this the reflex weakens.

Regarding what to do about our eating during the day – What we do is “anticipatory eating”. It means to never eat when you are hungry. Especially for the first week or so, we never allow ourselves to eat when we are hungry.

We know our own hunger patterns, so instead of waiting until we are hungry and then eating, thus reinforcing the pattern, we anticipate the hunger periods. We know that habitually we will be hungry at around 6:00, so instead of waiting until we are hungry and satisfying it, thereby reinforcing our conditioning, we anticipate it. At 4:45 when we are not even hungry we eat, you will see that you eat less at these times too.

The technique is simple – eat when you are not hungry and don’t eat when you are, thus substituting this technique for the hunger pattern.

During the old times when you would have eaten – do something different, take a nap, read, go for a walk, listen to a recording.

It has been shown that the less we eat, the more our appestat gets turned down. Satiety is something that is not well known by traditional scientific medicine, they talk about calories as if they were all the same – they are not. Satiety plays a big role in weight problems and is more important than calories. Eat sensibly, but what ever you want, knowing that for every 100 calories of protein consumed 36 calories are burnt off in the digestion process, whereas 100 calories of sugar equals 100 calories of fat.

It is best to avoid things that have high sugar content, especially on an empty stomach, because sugar stimulates the production of insulin, which then brings the blood sugar level down rapidly, this recreating the hunger sensation. It is the same with artificial sweetener found in Cola light and which you add to your tea – the body tastes a sweetness and expects a calorie hit, when it doesn’t come the body feels robbed and sets up a hunger feeling.

The technique is to let go of resisting and to disappear hunger and appetite. We then live in a world where we are no longer in that old cycle. We get used to an eating cycle of overeating, feeling guilty about the over eating, and then trying to control it. Then up comes hunger, and with the hunger come guilt, then appetite, then the expectation of satiation, followed by over indulgence, and guilt again, so there is an endless self-defeating cycle. The way to beat it is to rise above it, transcend it, and be beyond it.

The mind then says “I don’t want to give up the pleasure of eating.” However, what happens is appetite arises only out of the act of eating itself rather than being an anticipatory appetite and the pleasure of eating becomes greater than it ever was.

Eating is no longer accompanied by guilt or self blame. There is no anxiety about eating too many calories or gaining weight from eating. All that is gone, so we do not give up the pleasure of eating at all. We find that when we are not hungry, the food is considerably more enjoyable.

As we begin to resist and let go of hungry feelings, we begin to experience a kind of detachment – it’s like it is OK if we eat, and if we don’t, that’s OK too. People ask, “Do you want to eat something now?” and you say “Well, if you are going to fix something, fine.” Then they will ask “What do you want to eat? Do you want chicken or lamb or soup?” and you’ll say “Either way it’s all fine.” You become less fixated on food – if you have a steak that’s fine and if you don’t that’s fine too. This means you are free.

Have we been programmed to respond to food?

We begin to feel good about ourselves as we are no longer reacting to those old behaviours that were programmed into us by our parents, by food adverts, by magazines.

There is within us three characters when it comes to food – our Child, our Adult and our Parent, it’s like three separate voices within us. The child is desirous, the adult is rational, intelligent and educated and the parent tends to be punitive and moralistic. When we sit down to eat or open the fridge door the adult within goes unconscious and the child within takes over.

What does a child know about diet, weight, and calories? Nothing. The mode of the child is “I want, I satisfy and I get.” And it is this dominant child that is poking around in the fridge and the sweet counter. Who ordered the starter, the main and the pudding? The child did. And after we indulge to excess, the child leaves, and who takes its place? The parent does, who then says “How could you have been so stupid? Why did you have seconds? Why did you eat the whole chocolate bar?

At this point we are subjected to the inner angry parent who is blaming us. Blaming whom? Blaming the inner child. Where has the adult been all this time? It has been silenced. The adult was not there at meal time or directly after meal time. The child and the parent have taken over the whole eating program, which is natural because that is where eating patterns got setup in the first place, when we were children sitting next to our parents.

In order to counteract this, we have to be aware that this program is running. Just to be aware of it begins to change it. Now we can put a note on the fridge “No Children Allowed Adults Only” and at the checkouts and sweet counters – “Adults only”.

All this does not take resistance or self control, it just takes awareness. When we sit down we say “hello” to our adult and at that point we are no longer thinking “wow look at those potatoes” – you can look around the table and see those other children coming out to play – but you can see through this now.

As an adult you can see health, being a role model, you know how uncomfortable it feels when you eat too much, you can see that just around the corner lies guilt and frustration. What a powerful new viewpoint. You will find that the adult enjoys eating too, but does not go so crazy.

Deprivation is not the way to happiness, nor is overindulgence. It is preferable to transcend them and sit in the middle. Sit there with the adult and with a calm, kind voice in your mind – Because the body responds to what you hold in mind.

• Recognise where your locus of control is
• Let go of being right (or wrong) it really doesn’t matter
• Hope for the best and know that you could cope with the worst
• Talk to yourself nicely, develop a kind and positive internal dialogue
• Realise that how you talk to yourself heavily influences how you feel and what you do
• Don’t listen to the voices in your head that whirl around – become the observer of them
• Recognise when your ego is active
• Explore your ego – and then, let it go
• Have a vision – there is nothing more powerful than a person with a vision
• Take responsibility for your life, your feelings and your actions
• Set goals
• Know your values and live them
• Find out your personality type
• Eliminate unconscious personality conflicts
• Document who you really are and what you want
• Accept your weaknesses and focus on your strengths
• If you acknowledge your weaknesses you won’t fear criticism
• Allow others to have weaknesses too, focus on their strengths
• Say what you Do Want, rather than what you Don’t Want
• Stop watching the news and reading magazines
• Know that the media is manipulating you – get the facts, search for truth
• Share your emotions and fears with others, let your guard down
• Know that you can’t change others – but you can change yourself
• Stop being a victim (no ones like hanging out with someone who whines)
• Know that jealousy stems from low self esteem and fear
• Don’t place your happiness in the hands of others – it hurts when they take it away
• Trust your self, know your strengths and your weaknesses
• FEAR – Future Events Appearing Real – Imagine more positive future events
• Avoid black & white simplifications
• Embrace complexity
• Tolerate contradictions
• Let go of what you can’t control
• Learn new things, read, write, go on course, ask questions, questions your own views
• Realise that most tiredness is emotional fatigue
• Relaxing the mind relaxes the body – meditate / yoga
• It’s OK to be neutral
• It’s OK to have a new point of view
• It’s OK to say no
• Be nice to people – smile
• Stop judging yourself
• Stop judging others
• Forgive others
• Forgive yourself
• Don’t take yourself so seriously
• Love yourself
• Love everyone
• Happiness is found within, it’s not external,it’s not down to something or somebody else
• Take responsibility for your emotions
• Feeling a victim sucks – stop it – take responsibility for what you say and do
• Realise the world is not out to get YOU – That’s your ego thinking
• Learn how the unconscious mind works – life makes more sense then
• Drop the thought “I’ll be happy when…….” Start being happy now
• Do your best, whatever your best is
• Don’t make assumptions – get the facts
• Don’t take anything personally
• Speak honestly, with integrity and emotional awareness
• We are all different, don’t assume everyone thinks like you or wants what you want
• Explore the difference between IQ & EQ – EQ wins
• Find someone who can help you to let go of the ego mind and teach you how the mind really works

Attitudes of the mind

Freedom, whether personal, social or in business, is an emotionalised mentalisation and much can be learned by a practical (and non technical) understanding of mental functions. The mind is not just a thing that everyone equally has, because upon observation it can be seen that there are two distict types of mentalisation.

Graduations exist between the contrasting pairs that reflect intensity, for example, there is a difference between craving and desiring – hoping for, or choosing. The difference in this single quality alone can spell the distinction between happiness and misery, contentment or depression.

Psychology, psychiatry, and brain chemistry pay little attention to the study of attitudes, which is surprising considering how important they are to human happiness, satisfaction and success. Just observing these two lists has a freeing effect on the mind and our awareness that is often over looked.

The benefits of accepting one’s defects instead of denying them is an increase in an inner sense of self-honesty, security and higher self esteem, accompanied by greatly diminished defensiveness. A self honest person is not prone to having their feelings hurt by others and immediately experiences less emotional strife. When we admit our downsides, others can’t attack us there, and as a consequence we feel emotionally less vulnerable, more safe and secure. The key to painless growth is humility, which amounts to merely dropping pridefulness and pretense and accepting fallibility as a normal human characteristic of yourself and others.

Self-respect stems from self-honesty and allows for the dropping of cantankerous, contentious defensiveness and the “chip on the shoulder” attitude of ego inflation, with its focus on unrealistic expectations. The secret of success is that it is quite simple to change others merely by changing oneself. Is London a cold, rude, callous place or friendly and polite? It all depends not on how Londoners are at all but on who we ourselves are. A very evolved person considers London a friendly place. An immature person sees it as cold and rejecting because the world mirrors the reflection of one’s own projected perceptions.

The process of changing is not arduous and can be very enjoyable and rewarding.

Important – from a ‘relatively’ slim persons perspective

This diary is about me, it is a forum where I can explore my own thoughts and actions in a public space that makes me accountable for my behaviours, with a view to discovering old outdated beliefs I may have and implanting new beliefs and ways of being that may make more sense for me. I am not asking anyone to do what I do, nor am I saying that what I am doing is right or wrong.

In fact, these are the thoughts of a slim person who has always been obsessed with food, yet, for the majority of my life I have gone without it to avoid becoming overweight. I make this point because people always say “it’s alright for you because you don’t have to worry about your weight”, well, I do worry about my weight and have done all my life.

For me, it feels like I have always been formulating sensible (to me) eating strategies (diets) all my life rather than yo-yoing up and down through that whole pleasure and pain (weight gain – weight loss)  cycle, my cycle has been more about consciously avoiding nice food for the pleasure of feeling slim.

“I know this is the opposite to many people who want to lose weight, yet we all face the same constant battle in our minds. This is about what goes through my mind and my battle to lose that stubborn last 6 lbs once and for all.”

If I offend or upset anyone whilst writing about my thoughts, please know, that this is not my intention, this blog is aimed squarely at my own flaws and what I can do  to change them. I will be using a lot of NLP techniques on myself, and one of the fundamental foundations of Neuro Linguistic Programming is break down my thinking strategies and replace them with ones that may serve me better, to do that I need to be open minded, ready to try different things and prepared to question my own beliefs.

Finally, please bear with me, as much of the way I think falls into the categories of what is happening to me consciously and unconsciously – in my experience it is normally the unconscious strategies that win, these are what I am trying to observe and change in myself.

Please feel free to comment on the way I think about myself, my personal strategies or offer advice that you feel might help me. You can use the open section at the foot of this page.

Why I want to manage my weight more effectively

Most people wouldn’t say I was fat and I never have been, just a few extra pounds around my waist, but now I am 46 it seems to be spreading and I don’t like the thought of that. Currently I weigh 10 st 2lb (142lb or 64.5kg) which is not bad, except, I am 5′ 2″ tall (a bit like Dudley Moore or Michael J Fox except with out the fame and wealth).

Perhaps it might be interesting for people who struggled with their weight to hear what a slim persons attitudes to food and weight control are, who knows? Personally, I would say that although I am reasonably slim I have always had to make a very conscious effort to stay this way.

I spent some time thinking about why I wanted to lose some weight, what weight I wanted to be and what it would do for me? – and I really struggled to answer those questions. All I can say for sure is that I want to feel more comfortable in my clothes (I have been, pretty much, the same weight for many years now, so all my clothes are one size, I don’t have a fat wardrobe and a thin wardrobe, so for me it’s all or nothing), I also feel that I want to nip this slow creeping up of my weight in the bud before I suddenly realise that my health is at risk from diabetes or coronary issues.

I suppose that if I really break down the statement “to feel more comfortable in my clothes” it actually means “so I will look better in my clothes” which is my ego rearing it’s ugly head. Either way, whether it is my tight waistband or feeling more comfortably confident I do want to do something about it. I’ll keep my eye on how I feel about this as I progress.

So it is probably a little bit about confidence, a bit about what others might think of me (hard to let go of, but trying), elements of fitting into my clothes more easily, and sadly, I have just realised that the whole health aspect is at bottom of the list, surely as I get closer to 50 this needs to come to the fore? I need to ponder this a little more.

What weight do I want to be?

I don’t know. I am going to aim for 61kg (my bathroom scales are in kg’s) which is about 9st 8lb, the same as I was 10 years ago. For the sake of this blog I feel I do need a target weight, however, I am sure that I will just know when it feels right, it might end up being more or less than that, we’ll see.

Since my mid 20’s I have always weighed myself every morning and nine times out of ten times I know exactly what the scales will say, I think I unconsciously make allowances for my natural weight fluctuations so I don’t get freaked out by any gains and seem to have an unwritten mental upper and lower limit between 63kg  & 65kg that I just allow myself to float between. I think, I like that way of being and don’t really want to stop that, I just want to float between some new lower weight boundaries

What is my attitude to my body and food?

Mmm that is really hard to answer, because I’m not unhappy with my body, I quite like it actually, I am happy in my relationships, happy with my work and I am a relatively confident person, I just seem to struggle with my oral fixations, it just seems that I have cravings for chocolate, alcohol and peanut butter on freshly baked bread!

Funnily, I only occasionally crave steak, fish or normal meals and when I go out to restaurants, I don’t mind where we go, as I am more looking forward to the social interaction than the food itself. Thinking about this has reminded me that I rarely spend a lot of time scanning the menu and reading about all the ingredients, I seem to go for the simple foods that I know I like and that are relatively lower in calories.

More recently I have realised that I don’t try new foods, and that there is a part of me that is very cautious of trying too many rich dishes or different cheeses, in-case, I like them, because then I’d have to battle with myself even more as I counted my calories each day.

Interestingly, as I type these words, I have all sorts of new thoughts going through my mind. For instance, I was going to stop for lunch in 5 minutes time, but I have been so engrossed in my thoughts that it is now an hour later! So, I guess if you are really absorbed in something hunger is not on your mind, it is on my mind now though.

I’m back, tuna (with a dash of vinegar) on Ryvita (with swipe of Laughing Cow low fat spread) 280 calorie’s and very filling, luckily I don’t like mayonnaise and I have always felt that this aversion has been very helpful for me, as I turn my nose up at potato salad, pasta salad or any of those mayo laced calorie minefields.

(New thought Sat 24th July - I just realised that not eating anything with mayonnaise  in is an unconscious strategy that has helped me to avoid calories, I don’t actually dislike the taste! I like this strategy and I am definitely going to keep it.)

(New thought Mon 26th July - Amazing, just realised I do the same thing with cream, I avoid most dishes that are creamy like spaghetti carbonara and cream cakes too. I NEVER eat anything that has squirty cream on (should be banned). I do like cream and will pour some over a desert, I am starting to realise at one level I am quite weird, yet at another, I have some really useful unconscious strategies running under the radar. Another thought has popped up, I do eat pavlova and that has lots of cream in it, but I guess that is only once or twice a year.

Over last few years I seem to have set into a routine of ‘trying’  to eat 2200 calories Monday to Thursday and eating whatever I like over the weekend. Some  weeks I am better than others, but, on the whole this has worked well for me. I favour counting calories rather than colours, points, groups etc. and realised a long time ago how easily we are fooled by not weighing foods or keeping a log of what we have actually eaten, normally in any day I know how many calories I have consumed. To me, the best book on calories is The Calorie Carb & Fat Bible and I am always amazed at how wrong I can be when I guess calories rather than really weighing things and finding out for sure.

If I look back over my life, being slim has always been more important to me than consuming fancy food and to be honest, if I lived on my own I would probably survive on toast, rice and cheese on crackers, however, as I mentioned before, I would always be obsessing about food, especially bread, chocolate and sweets, this is where my internal battles are.

(New thought Sat 24th July - Another observation has jumped into my mind, I don’t cook and I don’t want to learn how to cook either (I love watching cookery shows though!) I wonder if this is another of my unconscious strategies?  I guess this means that  I can eat egg on toast for tea and not feel bad about what others might like to eat… and if I am not preparing food or (unconsciously) being ‘measured’ by others on my cooking, then I don’t have to contend with any secondary emotional gains that I might get from producing tasty gastronomic delights… Only day 2 and these things are already bubbling up in my mind.)

(New thought Mon 26th July - My mind is really going in over-drive today – I have been asking myself if I did cook for the family what would be important to me? For example, Conny might ask me what would I like for dinner and I usually say “I don’t mind” and mostly, I really don’t mind. I probably should come forward with more direction about what I do want to make it easier for her, or even cook myself (big step).

Do people who cook feel bad about serving up a healthy meal that the family won’t like, rather than a non-healthy one they do like? This must be a really hard decision on all sorts of emotional and beliefs driven levels? I remember when I was young I wanted to eat raw vegetables but my Mum wouldn’t let me, so she served me cooked vegetables and I didn’t eat them. I asked her a few years ago why she did that, because, surely, if I ate them raw it was better than not eating them, she said, that with hindsight it made no sense at all, but at the time, she felt like a bad Mother if her son was eating raw vegetables, a great example of an unconscious self belief driving actions. (Sorry Mum).

(New thought Sat 24th July - Just a thought really, I am not sure if I think about my weight or food the most… No, overall, my weight is more important than the food, I feel that being overweight would make me feel more uncomfortable (in the long run) than continuing my life long battle to limit my calorie intake. How might this strategy differ from that of a larger person? I don’t know? Is it better to focus on what you are missing or what you want to have, I need to give this some more thought too ?

(New thought Tue 27th July - From some feedback I am receiving, it seems like I may be touching a few nerves with larger people  – ‘how dare a slim person moan about food etc.’ – This blog is about me and my challenges, me analysing my thoughts and beliefs and finding new ways to behave and think that will emotionally satisfy me once and for all. You are very welcome to watch, I’m not asking you to do anything and I’m certainly not judging anybody

So, I am going to record my thoughts for the next 30 days, here goes…..

Day 1 – Weight 64.5kg

Friday July 23th 2010 – I decided to start on a Friday because in the past I always started on a Monday and I want to try different things! I hope this will already save me hundreds of calories, I don’t want to deprive myself of anything, just to use moderation and common sense to keep things under control, and as the days progress and my cravings arise, I’ll talk you through the techniques I’ll be using on myself. Hopefully as the next few days unfold I’ll be able to honestly document my thoughts, feelings and actions. It’s 14:12 and so far I have had 630 calories….. feeling very positive.

15:51 – Have just cut the grass (apparently 4 calories per minute = 200 calories burnt off )  While I was doing that I was thinking about my own attitude to being slim and why it was so important to me,  and it struck me that it is a very similar strategy to being overweight, it is like wearing a mask, like having something to hide behind, however, instead of hiding behind a larger body I might be hiding behind a different mask, perhaps sending out messages about myself to mask deeper insecurities??  Who knows, I need to think about this in more depth.

Will take Schnuffy out for a walk now, we usually walk a couple of miles each day, I’ll think about this some more.

Day 2 – Weight 64.1kg

Calories consumed yesterday 1850 – weight loss so far 0.4kg (0.9lb)  Exercise 2 miles dog walking – Starting to sound a bit like Bridget Jones!

Saturday July 24th 2010 – I’m still feeling positive, last night Conny made a really delicious prawn curry and instead of having ’seconds’ I just ate my serving more slowly and tried to really enjoy each mouthful, it made me notice that I am a very fast eater. I am going to try and focus on really savouring the food in-front of me, rather than getting my satisfaction from the volume of food, I’ll see how that goes for a while.

It was a bit of a struggle during the evening, as usually on a Friday night I would open a bottle of wine and enjoy a bit of snacking on Maltesers or ice cream. I did have a glass of red wine, however, I only half filled the glass and once again tried to savour the flavour and drank it more slowly, I enjoyed it, after that I switched to drinking hot filtered water from the kettle (not directly from the kettle) I prefer hot water, it fills me up and I certainly do want to drink more water each day.

Straight after dinner (19:30) I was really craving something sweet, but I thought I would just observe that feeling rather than act on it, I really focussed on what I was craving, where in my body that craving was, it was interesting to observe it as the desire waxed and wained until about 21:30 when I allowed myself a yogurt as a reward, once again I ate this super slowly and enjoyed every single half teaspoon full. It was a Muller Light cherry and vanilla with chocolate sprinkles (well worth checking out, 52p in Tescos).

I am sure the evening snacking is as much a habit as anything else, they say you can break a habit in 30 days, we’ll see. I’ve just realised that my diary will always be lagging by one day, especially as I am going to try and write it each morning, yesterday was good and I am looking forward to today.

Day 3 – Weight 64.0kg

Calories consumed yesterday 2100* – weight loss so far 0.5kg (1.1lb)  Exercise 2 miles dog walking and endless miles around the shops at Bicester village.

Sunday July 25th 2010 – Had a great day yesterday ate out twice and still came in at around 2100 calories (the calorie books say that I need 2200 per day to stay the same, so I should be gently moving in the right direction) this is doubly good, firstly because my old strategy was to eat anything I wanted on a Saturday (starting to see what a cop out that was) and secondly I really enjoyed what I ate and felt really full up.

Had lunch at one of my favourite food outlets Pret a Manger, one of the few shops that show the calorie content of their food on the shelf pricing labels and on their website www.pret.com it  is really scary to see how many calories are in a loaded sandwich. Up until now I would usually take a Hoisin Duck Wrap 433 calories and a Latte 194 – yesterday I took the vegetable sushi 277 calories  and a cup of tea 20. Tasted lovely, very filling and only 297 saving me 330 calories. I’m noticeably concentrating more on what I am gaining rather than what I am missing and I like that.

I am beginning to see more clearly now that this is not a diet I am on – it is a shake-up of my thoughts and actions that I trust will serve me well in the future. It is about me focusing on what I want from my body and what erroneous beliefs I currently hold.

I think I have a few ’silly’ justification strategies within me and I need to find them – it’s like the way our conscious mind tries to justify unconscious actions that it feels uncomfortable with, for example: A cigarette smoker would feel really uncomfortable saying “I am really stupid, I am a real Wally for putting these chemicals in my body, even the label says don’t do it.” And because our ego or conscious mind doesn’t want us to feel stupid it comes up with more palatable options, such as, “I’m addicted” or “they made me smoke by making it addictive” or “I’d put on weight if I stopped,” I think this helps us to feel less bad about ourselves and it also unconsciously abdicates a little of our responsibility for having to change, rubbish if you want to stop smoking though!

We went out to a local Indian restaurant* in the evening, once again I wanted to enjoy my food but explore some new options. I had one popadom with some onions, usually I would have had two, then for the main course I had a Chiken Tikka starter and a Pindi Chana side-order with boiled rice. I always have had boiled rice with Indian food because it all gets covered with sauce and flavours so I always thought it was a waste of calories to get a fancy higher calorie rice option. Anyway, it was delicious and very filling, I have tried to find out how many calories this was, but it is so hard, here is my estimation, let me know if I am way off the mark.

*Popadom with onions 120, dish of boiled rice (only ate half of it) 300, Chiken Tikka starter (5 dry chunks) 200, Pindi Chana side-dish 500? (I’ll take a high guess) 2 small glasses of red wine 180 and we shared a little ice cream 150, little chocolate with the bill and mini liquorice comforts 60.

I am really beginning to notice how many useful calorie avoidance tactics I have unconsciously built up over the years and that I am quite active, I move around quite a lot. Also, it is amazing how many calories you can save by starting your diet on a Friday!!

Day 4 – Weight 64.0kg

Calories consumed yesterday 1517 – weight loss so far 0.5kg (1.1lb)  Exercise 1 mile dog walk.

Monday July 26th 2010 – Sunday was a relaxing day and I am still feeling fully motivated. I think I am beginning to drive Conny mad by looking up the calories in everything, then weighing and measuring it all. On the scales my weight stayed the same this morning, however, when you weigh yourself everyday (as I do) you soon realise that the body has its own rhythms and cycles and that’s OK as I know how regulated I have been with my calorie intake. You watch, it will jump down tomorrow.

I have been writing everything I have eated down and if I have been unsure of the calories I’ve done a little research to find out more.

Thought I would see if I could find areas where I might be tricking myself by making assumptions about the amount of calories I consume, so I measured one of my wine glasses, initially I poured in a ‘normal’ amount of wine (see picture on left) this turned out to be 240ml, almost the same as a double pub measure (250ml) and was 160 calories.

I then poured a regular 125ml pub measure into the glass and it I have to say, it looked quite empty, however, it returned a more positive 83 calories.

This has got me thinking about what might be the best type of wine glass to drink from…. Are there ones that feel big and optically feel like they hold a lot, yet only accommodate a single measure? Is there a gap in the market for one of those?

For dinner Conny cooked a baked chicken breast with onions and Mediterranean couscous (not the prettiest of dishes) but delicious and very filling for only 480 calories.

In the evening I resisted the urges to snack until 20:30 and had a Weight Watchers chocolate and toffee swirl minipot, delicious, 82 calories well spent!

So, let the working week begin and I’ll see what unfolds, interestingly, I work most evenings with clients and don’t eat my tea until quite late (after 20:30) I don’t think that is very healthy, need to think about that a bit, perhaps, I should have a bigger lunch and a light snack in the evening…?

I just found an article I put together a while ago called “Whose head is in the fridge”.

Day 5 – Weight 63.2kg

Calories consumed yesterday 1410 – weight loss so far 1.3kg (2.9lb)  Exercise 2 miles dog walking.

Tuesday July 27th 2010 – Day 5 and I am still really feeling positive. I am reading all the labels on all the food I buy and weighing everything I eat, I have done this before many times, but it seems that the passing of time makes a 100g portion slowly get bigger and bigger!! Writing my thoughts out like this (and being really honest with myself) is really quite an eye opener.

I actually weighed out my breakfast this morning 35g of Optivita Berry Oat Crisp (131 calories) covered with 200ml of Innocent Fruit Smoothie pomegranate, blueberries and acai flavour (140 calories) absolutely lovely (to me). I don’t like milk so I use smoothie on my cereal and this breakfast easily keeps me going until 12:30.

I thought today I would explore my long term attitudes to breakfast – After giving this a lot of thought, it seems that breakfast is just something that I do without thinking about, in reality I don’t really want to eat anything until about 9:00 but that just isn’t practical, so I just eat breakfast anyway when I get up. I probably eat flakes and smoothie 5 times a week, I probably miss breakfast once a week (I know that is bad, but I can easily go without until lunch if I know I am going out, to save colories, I do feel very hungry but I just put up with it) and might go out for breakfast once a week, as I work very early mornings a few times a month.

Even when I go out for breakfast I seem to choose a sensible option. I do absolutely love a full English breakfast, however, I probably only eat one of those 2 or 3 times a year, I am realising that if I used these meals as a treat it would just make me want them more often. This strategy, to not use food as a personal reward and to avoid rather than ‘have in moderation’  does seem to work well for me, it is very hard, yet I know that if I allowed myself a ‘treat’ I would just be fuelling an even harder battle.

Another good example would be hot sausage rolls and pasties.  I absolutely love these, every-time I walk past the pastie shop in Milton Keynes the smell drives me mad, yet I have never had one, I just looked on their website to see how many calories are in a pasty but they don’t say, I should imagine it is between 580 – 1000. This would be a very slippery slope for me to go down, I think my unconscious strategy has always been – rather than say to my self  “oh, I would like that” I say “I can’t believe how much fat and calories is in that.” That way, I feel good about not eating it, I hadn’t  thought about this before. Once again, it seems like a sensible strategy for me.

As I said before my downfall is sweets, chocolate, wine etc. It looks like I am allowing myself to use them as a ‘treat’ or a ‘reward’ yet I don’t use savoury food or meals as a reward, interesting! What would I need to do to apply the same strategies to the foods that I feel obsessed by?

Just remembered a show that was on TV a few months ago (100 calorie club) that made a mock supermarket that served everything in 100 calorie portions and how shocked I was about how little confectionery you get for 100 calories.

Day 6 – Weight 63.1kg

Calories consumed yesterday 1358 – weight loss so far 1.4kg (3lb)  Exercise 2 miles dog walking.

Wednesday July 28th 2010 – Still very focused and also very busy at work, I find that if I absorb myself in my work I hardly feel hungry at all, there seems to be big correlation between hunger and boredom for me. All this thinking about healthy eating  and writing about my feelings is also stirring some thoughts about exercise!!!! It’s been 18 months since I was last seriously exercising, I do have a cross trainer in my garage so I am going to set myself the goal of using it every other day starting this Friday (the first day of week 2). I am really finding that when I set these goals and make them public I feel so much more accountable and motivated to proceed. I find I am still focusing on how good it feels to be in control rather than ruminating about what I am missing and I am not treating this as  a 30 day flash in the pan diet much more of a change in lifestyle.

Noticed another of my weird unconscious (but useful) food avoidance techniques this morning – I was buying some stationery and there was an offer where you could buy a pack of paper for £3.99 or two packs for £4.99 so I bought two packs because it was a bargain and I stored the second pack of paper away for when ever I will need it, but if I am in a supermarket (I don’t cook but I do the family food shopping) and I wanted to buy some sweets, I never take advantage of the bogofs or the ‘buy 2 for 10p more’ deals, because in my mind I only want one and if the other is in the house I’ll eat it! Bizarre but really helpful. If any of our normal food is on a deal I always take that with pleasure.

I remember buying a large Twix in a petrol station last year and the assistant said that I could have 3 for £1 rather than one for 70p and when I said I only wanted one (because I’d eat the others) she said that I was ’stupid’ to miss such a great opportunity! I guess it depends on which way you look at it.

Someone told me today that sometimes hunger cravings are in fact thirst, I don’t know if that is true so I will check it out tomorrow, I need to drink more water anyway.

Day 7 – Weight 62.9kg

Calories consumed yesterday 1605 – weight loss so far 1.6kg (3.5lb)  Exercise 2 miles dog walking.

Yesterday was a good day as I was very busy so no time to consider food until the evening. I am consciously trying to step away from the mental duality that positions snacks as either good or bad, I want them just to be part of my daily fuel, if and when I want them.

I had some monkey nuts last night as I was relaxing watching television, I love peanuts and I learnt a long time ago that by having to shell each individual nut and then rub their skin off before eating them, it would stop me just shovelling great handfuls of peanuts into my face.

Normally, I would have had 1/2 a bag full (125g 725 calories!!!!!!) Last night I weighed out 35g (205 calories) it was a shock to see how few there were, however, it still took me 20 minutes to slowly peel them and I enjoyed every single one (rather than every single hand-full). Surprisingly felt nicely satiated after this fiddly little feast.

Had a lovely dinner last night, 3 medallions of pork (155 calories) with chili stir fried vegetables and mushrooms, delicious.

I am still writing down all my calories as I consume them, rather than adding them all up at the end of the day I keep a running total, this I find quite motivational too, it is like playing a game, having a little competition with myself.

Food	Calories	Total
Breakfast	277	277
Apple	70	347
Lunch	520	797
3 wine gums 2 cups of tea	78	875
Apple Juice	120	995
Dinner	405	1400
Monkey Nuts	205	1605

The reality that I said I would start exercising tomorrow has just dawned on me, and to be honest, if I hadn’t committed to doing it here publicly I would probably let it slip. So, it seems that deciding on a goal, setting a date, then making it public is a powerful way of moving forwards, I wonder what else I could apply this to?

]]> http://johnglanvill.com/diet-weight-loss-slimming-30-day-blog/feed/ 2 http://johnglanvill.com/anxiety-treatment-overcoming-panic-attacks/ http://johnglanvill.com/anxiety-treatment-overcoming-panic-attacks/#comments Wed, 21 Jul 2010 16:50:46 +0000 John http://johnglanvill.com/?p=5879 Anxiety treatment – In my experience, anxiety is a very misunderstood aspect of being a human. Anxiety disorders and feelings of panic are surprisingly common and have been around for many thousands of years. These anxious feelings and fears can seem so irrational, yet they  have the power to emotionally hijack us and change our whole physiology in a moment.

When a full blown panic attack fires off, a person could be anywhere and all they’ll want to do is run away, to flee that environment. Their heart will be racing, their chest constricted, often feeling like they are experiencing a heart attack. These anxiety symptoms are often compounded because they can feel their heart pumping violently (even in the neck area) and hearing the blood pumping around their ears and head. They experience trouble breathing, their hands begin to sweat and they feel faint, other symptoms include tingling sensations, headaches and muscle tension – all in all, a very scary situation.

This anxiety based disorder has its origins ingrained deep within our DNA and the old animal part of our limbic system. Yet, we often try to fix ourselves using logic and common sense, using the modern part of our brain, applying reason and will power. Sadly, much of this falls on deaf ears because our unconscious mind is not listening – or rather, is listening to something very different.

Sadly, the majority of GP’s and NHS mental health professionals do not have enough time available to help patients fully through the recovery process. Is it a journey where you need to work with someone who understands anxiety and realises the powerful way it can overwhelm your emotions and bring up levels of fear, anxiety and if not treated may lead to the onset of depression or depressive feelings, so help coping with panic attacks and reducing anxiety is very important.

I can teach you help for panic attacks and teach you how to work more closely with your unconscious mind so you can respond to this anxiety disorder in a new calmer way using a range of relaxation techniques and a whole new view point. Because trying to eliminate anxiety by avoiding what makes you anxious is NOT the way forward. Effective therapy for anxiety includes having someone with you whilst you face your fears, helping to keep you calm and showing you that if you really want to take back control of anxiety the first step is to realise that the fear is not outside of you, you can’t blame it on other things anymore – it is inside you.

My anxiety therapy will answer your questions

• What is anxiety?
• What are the common symptoms of anxiety?
• Where does anxiety come from?
• How can I stop it?
• If I stop it, will it come back?

I can answer all these questions and teach you how to take this knowledge and use it to stop yourself continually being the victim of these overwhelming feelings. When explained to you clearly and from two different perspectives the parts of the puzzle begin to fit together and you will see how your mind and your biological body are both screaming out for change – but not talking the same language.

Most fears include a huge amount of stress anxiety, so it’s good to understand where this comes from and what you can do about it. Most people, who face anxiety, do so, because they are trying to prevent life from being what it is, they explore in their minds all the different scenarios of what might happen – and because they are trying to cover every eventuality, which, of course, is impossible – the unconscious mind gets anxious.

At a more basic level, we want life to be a certain way to give us a better chance of survival and through surviving we find happiness, so if you think life will present situations that will prevent your ideal plans from happening, then you begin to get anxious. Our human survival mechanism is based on two concepts; firstly, on animal based fears, such as, fear of spiders, fear of being bitten by a dog, fear of suffocation (claustrophobia) etc. Then secondly, we have ego based fears, like, feeling embarrassed, looking like a fool, fear of being judged by others or not being accepted into a group.

So, people who are good at becoming anxious are very efficient at looking to the future and trying to prevent what’s coming, they generate a wide spectrum of scary ‘what if’ scenarios which, unsurprisingly, can overwhelm them. If we  could just accept that life doesn’t always go to plan, if we could accept that people might not like us, if we accepted that there are variables that we just can’t change, if we accepted that there will be spiders and dogs around, if we accepted life just the way it is – we could then just do the best job we can – and we would be better at coping with anxiety.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a state of uneasiness, of fear, worry and apprehension that manifests itself with unpleasant and even fearful feelings when some identifiable (or unidentifiable) trigger stimulus occurs. It is an unconsciously generated emotion in response to worries or perceived  threats from future facing events.

These anxieties are fuelled by worry and constant internal dialogue as you think through all the “what if” scenarios should that perceived threat happen. For example; how you might feel when you make that speech – what will happen at the interview – will he be OK on his first day at school etc.

What makes anxiety frustrating and illogical is that our common sense gets hijacked and control is passed from our conscious mind to our unconscious animal brain (limbic system) and it just does what it thinks is right for us. It responds in a very basic animal like ancestral manner – it moves us away from perceived danger and towards perceived safety. For example, if you go to work and make the speech you’ll be in danger and if you stay at home you’ll be safe.

There is a time and a place for this old animal brain and it does (on the whole) serve us very well – If an object is zooming towards our eye we (unconsciously) immediately flinch and close our eye in a fraction of a second, if we had to consciously think about what to do it would take too long and we might end up with a damaged eye.

Anxiety sufferers often have a voice in their mind that goes around and around looking for answers and getting more and more frustrated and angry with themselves for feeling so helpless and a victim of these physical symptoms. They make fearful images in their minds of all the things that could go wrong and this makes them even more anxious. It is well known and well documented that your body responds to what you hold in your mind, for example; you may feel anxious walking through a subway at night and you get the uncomfortable anxiety sensations like a dry mouth, a racing heart and sensitive hearing, yet, you can get the same physical feelings when awaking from a nightmare of walking through a subway!! Your unconscious can’t tell the difference between the real event, a thought or a dream. If you think good thoughts, you get good feelings, if you think bad thoughts, you get bad feelings – try it.

The final part of understanding anxiety is the knowledge that your unconscious holds a kind of database of memories (metaphorically speaking), some real, some old out of date beliefs, some from dreams and some from films and it compares your anxious thoughts against this database to see if what you are potentially going to experience is good or bad. The problem is that sometimes this database gets out of sync and things that shouldn’t register as scary suddenly do, this is one way of looking at something like a phobia, which, of course, fires off anxious feelings.

Anxiety builds up slowly over time, until, one day it spills over and manifests itself in uncomfortable episodes. Often there are underlying drivers in peoples life for this – stress, upheaval, change, bereavement, pressure, depression, feeling lost or alone – then, when they throw in some disrupted sleep they have the right circumstances for anxiety to thrive. And that’s just the beginning!

Because as they try to understand what is going on, the voice inside their head (internal dialogue) is racing around trying to figure it out and it makes no sense. That frustrates and worries them and they begin to question themselves and their abilities. This leads to what I call “anxiety paralysis” – because they are questioning their own competence and are fearful of another anxiety attack they tend to restrict the things they do and try to stay in a safe world, trying to avoid events or environments where they previously experienced anxiety.

Associations begin to form, for example; if the original anxious moment was in a car then subsequently, enclosed spaces may be a trigger and driving long distances may become difficult and generate more stress anxiety. By this point everything seems to blur into one, what started off as a panic attack or anxiety attack becomes General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and can often escalate and include depressive feelings and may become anxiety depression (a combination of anxiety and depression).

Symptoms of anxiety

The symptoms of panic attacks and anxiety are diverse and you may experience; a racing heart, trouble breathing and a tight restricted chest (feelings of having a heart attack), headaches or migraines, churning stomach, feeling sick, drained of energy, a dry mouth, IBS like symptoms, sweats, aching muscles, blushing, trembling hands, whole body shaking, feeling light-headed, uncontrollable crying, trouble sleeping, trouble swallowing, difficulty concentrating – there are many more too.

Most people have two or three main feelings from the list above and when they all conspire together it can be very uncomfortable and emotionally overwhelming. During our therapy session I prove to you where all these anxiety symptoms come from, this knowledge allows you to remain more calm during any episode of anxiety or panic.

I’d like to just give you a small glimpse into the power of the unconscious nervous system that generates these powerful emotions. The nervous system is comprised of two parts, the central nervous system which is composed of the brain and the spinal chord, and the peripheral nervous system that has miles of nerve fibres branching out to all the organs, glands and muscles around the body. The job of this autonomic nervous system is to transmit signals from the brain to the body and it controls all of our bodily processes. Most of the processes served are  unconscious, such as, breathing, digestion and, importantly, the generation of our emotions – and all this happens very rapidly, very unconsciously, completely under our conscious radar – and it generally keeps us safe and operational.

To protect these miles of highly sensitive bundles of nerves from damage they are usually buried deep within the body, one area where these nerves are very close to the surface is at the elbow, here, the ulnar nerve is slightly exposed, we know it better as the “funny bone”,  just one knock and our arm tingles with an unpleasant sensation that shoots down the nerve towards our fingers. This gives us a tiny glimpse of the power of the sympathetic nervous system and it is this very system that generates your anxious feelings. In anxious people, metaphorically speaking, this system becomes tired and uncalibrated, leading to exaggerated emotions (anxiety) to triggers that are (unconsciously decided) and may be erroneous or out of date , however, they are unconsciously viewed as a threat to you.

Sleep patterns often get disrupted whilst going through stressful anxious times. The constant ruminations and negative thought patterns (racing mind) cause the amount of recuperative deep sleep to be reduced and the time spent in high energy dreaming (REM sleep) to increase, this really saps your energy and runs you down, it also turns down the minds natural feelings of drive, so you might find your levels of self motivation waning.

What are panic attacks?

Occasionally, when the conditions are just right – prolonged stress, tired, over worked, over anxious and something finally happens that tips you over the edge, a full blown panic attack may happen. Panic attacks are very real and they can be very distressing – when a full blown panic attack fires off, a person could be anywhere and all they’ll want to do is run away, to flee that environment. Their heart will be racing, their chest constricted, often feeling like they are experiencing a heart attack. These anxiety symptoms are often compounded because they can feel their heart pumping violently (even in the neck area) and hearing the blood pumping around their ears and head. They experience trouble breathing, their hands begin to sweat and they feel faint, other symptoms include tingling sensations, headaches and muscle tension – all in all, a very scary situation.

Many people after a major panic attack visit their doctor or hospital fearing something is wrong and are often surprised (and embarrassed) when they are told it was a panic attack or overwhelming anxiety and that just adds to the feeling of being out of control. Whenever it comes on and whatever you call it, it is fear based and feels very real. It may seem ridiculous that a person cannot even walk to the end of his street without feeling anxious, but that ’s the power of fear. It may seem totally out of proportion, however, it is paralysing and it can affect anyone.

Treating anxiety & treatment for panic attacks

Anxiety depression as with most forms of anxiety disorder are treatable. By teaching you what anxiety is, how it works, how the biology and physiology work, how your conscious & unconscious mind interact to generate these frightening emotions – you are then able to see everything from a completely new point of view. The emotions become less scary when you know what is happening and then we work on updating the old database in your mind that keeps erroneously associating your thoughts with perceived dangers. Finally, I work with you applying strategies that lessen the volume of negative and worrying thoughts in your mind, as these were the old fuel that stoked the fire.

To do this I use a range of therapies for anxiety, including hypnotherapy, NLP, CBT, Metaphoric Story Telling and general education on how the biology functions. We work with your unconscious mind to understand and mitigate whatever the underlying issues are that caused your unconscious to “keep you safe” by forcing you to move away from certain events or circumstances. Once done the anxiety tends to dissolve of its own accord.

Overcoming anxiety

Experience advises to take action sooner rather than later, because, it’s not just the anxiety that causes emotional discomfort, if untreated anxiety slowly affects other aspects of your life and often becomes quite specialised, leading to issues such as:

• Agoraphobia – Feeling like you can’t leave the house because you will have a panic attack
• OCD – Where you become obsessive about certain habits or procedures
• Emetophobia – An unwanted fear of vomiting and this may limit the foods you are prepared to eat
• Social Anxiety Disorder – Where you cut yourself off from friends, fearing anxiety whilst in their company
• Irrational phobias – that tend to keep you away from recovery
• Low self esteem - As anxiety continues, restricting your activities, frustration lowers your self esteem
• With your confidence knocked for six, you do less things and believe in yourself less
• Dependency on family and relations for emotional and perhaps even financial support
• Depression - As you continue to restrict your life depressive feelings may begin to reign
• Insomnia and disrupted sleep

Where appropriate our initial meeting may be at your home (extreme anxiety or agoraphobia) as I understand what a big step this is and how your anxiety will be on full alert.  I often travel with clients to help them confront their fears too, my calm nature and understanding of how types of anxiety work allows me to keep you calm, as we  work through a range of behavioural therapy and cognitive therapy that allows you to get back on the road to recovery and back functioning with normal levels of emotion once more.

“After 6 long dark months suffering from chronic anxiety and emetophobia, and following two failed attempts at finding the right therapist, I luckily found John and all I can say is; he was my lifesaver and the light at the end of my tunnel. John is a true inspiration and made me feel that the things I thought were not possible were. John made me understand the reasons why I ended up in such a dark place and what I needed to do to free myself from my fears and phobias. It has been a long journey but I am finally at a place where I can say I am a stronger person. John has taught me that it is only yourself that makes you feel the feelings you feel, and that it is all to do with changing your way of thinking and welcoming anxiety as your friend. I am still continuing my journey towards full health and I know this will take time. John has given me the tools and knowledge that I need to reach my destination. I am truly grateful for meeting such a kind, gifted person. Thank you John for helping me change my life.”

Top tips to reduce anxiety

Whilst anxious, other factors should be considered, try to restrict your intake of caffeine, this will also help you sleep and refrain where possible from smoking and alcohol, as they are known to worsen the symptoms of anxiety and do disrupt sleep. Take time to relax each day read, meditate, take a yoga class, try to find time away from the everyday issues you face.

Realise that the feelings or anxiety are the same as those of excitement, if you kiss a lover, your heart races, your eyes dilate, your legs go shaky, you may blush and your stomach has butterflies. The human body only has one set of responses, it is how we interpret them that makes all the difference.

The symptoms of anxiety will not kill you! By their very nature they are trying to protect you and keep you safe (ironic, I know). Anxious episodes will pass, they always do. They calmer you stay, the sooner thay pass.

Light aerobic exercise is good as you can regain confidence in your heart and body (remember, as horrible as an anxiety attack is – it won’t kill you!) and you can burn off the chemicals and adrenaline that is pumped into your body during anxious moments. In addition, it is important that you accept that you are working through your anxiety at this time in your life and ensure that you are not taking on too many responsibilities – It is OK to say no, explain your circumstances and ask people to help; you’ll be surprised how they may respond.

Anxiety Therapist helping you take back control

If you have really had enough of this give me a call or email me and we can informally and confidentially discuss what is possible to get you out of this very treatable condition. See what my clients had to say here. I am located in Buckingham, Bucks. Close to Milton Keynes, Aylesbury, Bicester, Brackley, Winslow and Towcester and 20 minutes from M1 Junction 13 or M40 junction 9/10.

“The sessions I had with John have helped me enormously, I saw straight away that he was very concerned about my problems and I could tell that he has a genuine passion for helping people who need it! John was extremely knowledgeable and professional and approached my problems from an angle which I could understand. I feel that the sessions I’ve had have equipped me with tools I can use in my everyday life which I’ve found very empowering. I wouldn’t hesitate in recommending John to my friends and family as he’s an all round honest and genuine person. Thanks very much John for everything!!”

Hypnotherapy for anxiety and panic attacks

Anxiety counselling – I can help you to manage your anxious feelings using a variety of therapies – including hypnosis for anxiety, cognitive therapy, relaxation techniques and working on the motivation to begin a light exercise regime which is known to be good for lessening the levels of adrenalin in your body.

My office is in Buckingham Buckinghamshire – I will focus on your problem and will do all I can to get your emotions back under control in the shortest time and with empathy, integrity and professional knowledge. You can read about my guarantees, fees and FAQ’s about my therapy. Please have a look around the site and get a feel for how I work, perhaps read some of my client testimonials and when you are ready give me a call we can informally talk about what is possible.

Villages and towns close to my office include; Milton Keynes, Aylesbury, Banbury, Tingewick, Finmere, Gawcott, Padbury, Steeple Claydon, Brackley, Silverstone, Stowe, Nash, Winslow, Little Horwood, Great Horwood, Leckhampstead, Beachampton, Wicken, Deanshanger, Stoney Stratford, Old Stratford.

Not local to Buckingham, Buckinghamshire or Milton Keynes?

You can buy an anxiety relaxation mp3 here

Listen to a sample of this professional hypnotic recording press ► below.

This professionally recorded hypnosis mp3 will gently relax you and begin the process of updating your unconscious mind on how to handle anxiety and take relaxation into your day. It is not a substitute for professional anxiety therapy, however, it is a great starting point and you can download this immediately and begin to relax.

Disclaimer: This information is for information only and if used is entirely at the risk of the user. This information is not for persons experiencing mental health issues and all anxiety / depression related feelings should be checked out by your GP in the first instance.

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Locus of Control LoC – Is basically the psychological term that describes how much a person believes they can control the events of their life. If you have an External Locus of Control then it is likely that you feel that many things are out of your control and believe that chance, fate, luck, God or more powerful ‘other’ people will play a big role in how your life unfolds. For those people who have formed an Internal Locus of Control, they believe that they are responsible for their own life and the outcomes that they experience.

What I have observed as a therapist

I witness the effects of LoC every day in my role as a therapist, I either test each client to see what score they get on the Locus of Control scale or I ask pertinent questions that allow me to understand the strategies my client is using to take responsibility for their life.

To me, it is a fundamental requirement to know if they have learned to use an interior or exterior source of reference of what they can and can’t control in life, and this information plays a big part in the therapeutic strategies that I subsequently deliver.

Those individuals with a higher external locus of control seem to be more susceptible to anxiety, depression, poor health and weight gain, whilst those with lower more internal scores, are often, calmer, more positive, more resilient and seem to bounce back more quickly after unfortunate events in their life and tend to have a more healthy outlook regarding their body.

I will go into more detail later in this post, however, the good news is that once a clients can see that they may be abdicating or deferring  some of their control to external sources many things can change in their lives, (if that is what they want).

In my experience helping a client move their external locus of control more towards an internal LoC and helping them to take more responsibility for all aspects of their life is a key aspect of recovering from depression, raising self-esteem and bolstering confidence.

Locus of Control vs. Desire for Control

I work with many clients who become paralysed and immobilised by depression or anxiety disorders that invoke fearful thoughts and emotions.  Often these individuals used to have a wonderful natural perception, they would be able to walk into a room and pick up peoples moods, like a sixth sense, however, as they became more depressed and anxious, never knowing what their emotions would do next, their ability to believe and trust their own feelings lessened, leaving them (unknowingly) feeling vulnerable.

To counter balance these vulnerable feelings, they begin to, (unconsciously) look for external validation to help them feel more secure about their decisions and actions in life. This is a good example of a persons Locus of Control moving from Internal to External through the ‘numbing’ of their emotions due to prolonged periods of stress, trauma or depression.

When this happens the anxiety or depression or ME or OCD or agoraphobic sufferer (tick your box) begins to unconsciously become far more controlling about the small things in their life that they feel they can control and so they focus all their attention on these. Any carer or partner of a sufferer doing this will know how frustrating and annoying it is having to ‘put up with’ all  the new rules about what is and isn’t acceptable around the house or what to eat or where to go, what to wear etc.

Often the sufferer can’t see that they are controlling the tiny things and can’t even think about facing the big decisions, this becomes the beginning of obsessional behaviour that they feel gives them at least some control, even though it is mistaken, debilitating and holding them back.

It takes time, however, once the sufferer can see that they are controlling the petty things and abducting responsibility for the real issues  in their life, things can change. Of course, they will still need to set goals, change the way they are thinking and start planning for the future – but that’s a whole other issue, they need to pull themselves out of the depressive state, one realisation at a time.

This is important

So, a person who is controlling and has a high external locus of control, will feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and powerless, and a person who is controlling, but with an internal locus of control, will be active, more positive and feel more in control of their life, thus happier. Finding the right balance is the name of the game.

Internal Locus of Control vs. External Locus of Control

It is hard to put into words how the two types differ, because there are always so many degrees of separation. Listed below are some generic indicators.

External Locus of Control:

• Are likely to feel a little uncomfortable in social situations
• Feel powerless and will often refer to ‘professionals’ for help, Doctors, specialist etc.
• May be more likely to believe that medication will help them to recover
• Tend to view things negatively – glass half empty
• Tend to struggle to get back on track after trauma, bereavement or trouble in their life
• Tend to focus on worries and negative ‘what if’ scenarios
• Seem to get ill easily, catch colds and any bug that is doing the rounds, get tired easily
• Tend to lean on others for support and advice
• Tend to put on weight easily or comfort eat
• May tend to put faith in horoscopes, clairvoyants or other paranormal concepts
• May struggle to get to sleep as thoughts in their mind race around
• May be religious or have a ‘faith’ that God will sort it out for them – in the end
• Are likely to have developed a kind of learned helplessness
• May (unknowingly) get lots of attention from others due to their suffering
• Tend to control the small (irritating to others) things that tend to pin themselves down i.e. Won’t go to a restaurant
• Tend to blame other elements if things go wrong

So, you can see that many of these strategies are looking external to themselves for help, advice or guidance, they are in many instances a victim to what others do and say.

Internal Locus of Control:

• Are likely to feel comfortable in social situations or at least can fake it well
• May listen to Doctors and specialists, but feel they know themselves better
• May try to avoid medication and use positive thinking and healthy living to recover
• Tend to view things positively  – glass half full, interesting opportunity etc.
• Seem to bounce back quickly after trauma, bereavement or trouble in their life
• Tend to focus on what they can do, what they will do and when they will do it
• Have a great immune system, rarely get ill, have lots of energy
• Seem to be very independent, rarely ask for help
• Tend to be the right weight for their age and height, eat healthily and exercise
• Do not believe in the paranormal or horoscopes etc.
• Tend to sleep well most of the time, can get by on less sleep if busy
• May not be religious or gain independent strength from their beliefs
• Take responsibility for mistakes or mishaps, they learn from them

Here, you can see that the individual feels that they have the power within them-self to do what ever they feel is right, without deferring to external sources.

How an Internal Locus of Control may benefit you

As you recognise your current position and begin to let go of old out dated beliefs – people normally find the following happens:

• It would make you more active now, not having to wait for motivation to appear
• You would set goals around the things you would like to achieve
• You would be excited about learning and trying new ways of being in the world
• You would learn from your past behaviours, then move on
• If things went wrong in the future you would take responsibility and not dwell on it
• You would become more social and have more fun

Self-awareness and flexibility of emotions is the key

People with an internal locus of control are generally more successful, for very obvious reason, however, I feel that we all need to be flexible in our thoughts and our behaviours. Sometimes it is appropriate to be internal and controlling and other times it is right to stand back and be more caring or relaxed.

By understanding where you locus of control is at anytime in your life you can become aware of the strategies that you are using – then take back control. Interestingly, as people get older their locus of control generally becomes more internal, because they have had lots of experience of life and realise that the majority of what happens to them, is a direct result of what they think, what they say and what they do.

Some tips to take more control

• Realise that by not making a decision, is, in fact, already a choice. The choice to let others (or life) decide for you.
• Pay close attention to your own internal dialogue if you hear yourself saying “I can’t do that” or “There is nothing I can do about it” recognise that you have just made a decision and ask yourself if it is the only option? What would a person with an Internal LoC do?
• Plan your future, set goals, take time to visualise a big bright future that you feel compelled to step into.
• Explore your values, what values would really focus you? Integrity, honesty, compassion, humility, commitment……
• Don’t be afraid to have fun, to talk to people, to let your guard down occasionally
• Don’t fear failure, fear not even trying
• Learn new things
• Here are my top tips for personal growth

Work with me to overcome anxiety and depression

I specialise in helping people who feel anxious, depressed or just lost to reconnect with their emotions. To rediscover who they are and what they want and to reconnect with the motivation and desire to make it happen. It is a fascinating journey of self discovery, self awareness and personal growth.

My office is in Buckingham, on the borders of Buckinghamshire, Oxfordshire, Northamptonshire and Bedfordshire – 20 minutes from the M1 Junction 13 or M40 junction 9/10. The majority of my clients come from the area bounded by Milton Keynes, Aylesbury, Northampton and Oxford, although many who are referred by their friends come up from London to experience my change work.

Give me a call 01280 823059

]]> http://johnglanvill.com/locus-of-control/feed/ 1 http://johnglanvill.com/header/ http://johnglanvill.com/header/#comments Sat, 24 Apr 2010 18:58:55 +0000 admin http://johnglanvill.com/?p=4544 Anxiety specialist helping you to change uncomfortable disruptive thoughts & behaviours. Teaching you how the mind sabotages us & how to psychologically stop it.

01280 823059 Bucks, MK, Northants, Beds & Oxon

Leave an audio legacy for those you love

A wonderfully unique and emotionally potent gift for those people you really care about.

Share your knowledge, hard-earned wisdom and formative experiences. Your personal experience of the world and unique view of the past enables you to pass on your values, way of life and family traditions to future generations.

Photos fade, documents get lost but a CD or MP3 file of a recording can last forever. Aural accounts of your life are also a way of expressing the timbre, warmth and expression of your voice that you would otherwise be unavailable.

Anyone lucky enough to have written accounts of their grandparents lives will know how comforting it can be to look back at these but think into the future to your grandchildren. In a hundred years in the future when your great grandchild is researching their family imagine their joy when they discover a beautifully preserved recording of their great-grandparent discussing their life.

• Preserve memories of specific era’s – WWII, the millennium, family events

• Record a time-capsule for new-born grandchildren.

• Save the memories and feelings of those experiencing terminal illnesses.

• A retirement gift to document the stories of your working life.

• Record bedtime stories for your grandchildren

Go to www.LifeStoryRecordings.co.uk

Barney Glanvill  0751 686 1273

]]> http://johnglanvill.com/very-special-and-meaningful-gift-ideas/feed/ 0 http://johnglanvill.com/spirituality/ http://johnglanvill.com/spirituality/#comments Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:30:38 +0000 John http://johnglanvill.com/?p=2768 There comes a point in personal development and therapy where there are no more answers, you can’t just say “do this and you will feel xyz…” – at this point some people realise that a new paradigm is required if they want to live their life in a way that makes them feel free and happy. To me, that’s what spirituality is, a way of living that is kind and thoughtful – yet trusts that things will unfold in a positive way and if they don’t, well, I’ll still be alright and perhaps the less good things need to happen in the context of the bigger picture.

“So, if you want to grow spiritually, it’s so simple, that it’s overlooked all the time. It’s a decision to be loving and kind towards all of life, including your own, at all times no matter what. To be forgiving, to be gentle, to be that which is supportive of life – so it becomes not what you do, but who you are. You become that which supports life, supports all endeavours, it encourages those who need encouragement and it becomes the energy of life itself.” Dr. David Hawkins

I come from a scientific and non-religious background and for many years struggled with the concept of spirituality and the many diverse ways of trying to understand what spirituality is. On my own long journey I have found a balance that I am comfortable with, perhaps not the God with a beard, but a power, an energy,  perhaps some form of divinity that  I would call spiritual (with a small s) that helps me to connect with inner peace, happiness and more fully understanding myself. I’m NOT into crystals, angels and tree hugging (but I’m OK with those who are) and have come to realise that there are tangible elements out there that transcend logical conscious descriptions.

By not restricting your mind to the limits of Newtonian logic, you allow new concepts to become open for investigation. My personal experience and results from working with many clients has led me to firmly believe that inner calmness, self love, helping others and confidence come from stopping the voices in our mind and not believing what they say – realising that they are not us (big step I know! But possible) and that they cause a whole load of unnecessary emotional suffering.

Letting go of the ego

By letting go of the ego you can see the world in a whole new way, no longer dependant on what others think or do, you become released to explore what makes sense to you. I was recently in a restaurant and we were seated at a table where one seat was facing into the room and the other left its occupant facing a wall. Unconsciously my old habits and learning’s fired off and as I had been taught over the years and I naturally guided my wife to the chair with the view. She however, said that she wanted me to have that chair today. An uncomfortable feeling came over me as I reluctantly took that position, I sat with that feeling for a few moments and then realised what was going on in my mind,  my ego was so concerned that other people would see me and judge me for not being a Gentleman (according to what it thought a Gentleman would do) that it felt threatened – and this happened in a few seconds, under the radar and based on a lifetime of domestication and learning which ended with me experiencing uncomfortable feelings so I would make it ‘right’ - I just smiled to myself upon that realisation and got on with having a lovely evening. This is just one example of the importance of letting go of the ego and just enjoying life.

Quietening the unconscious mind

I found that we can communicate quite effectively with our own unconscious mind and that we are one giant biological chemistry set, we can dose our selves up with chemicals and emotions that feel bad (we can do this easily) more importantly, we can generate a whole new set of thoughts and feelings that dose us up with a very nice set of feelings. One of the simplest aspects (to me) of spirituality is about not having to be right or wrong, best or worst, not having to justify yourself or judge other people – just being comfortable with yourself and helping others where you can.

Many of the fields I studied left me shaking my head, whilst others seemed too good to be true. Personally, the jury is out on how many of these ethereal spiritual concepts work, however, I found that if you take the good bits from each (even if it is only used as a sensible concept) you can construct a way of being that makes sense and more importantly, leaves you feeling really calm and good on the inside – and surely, that’s what it’s all about.

If you are interested I can share my findings with you – Of course, I can only talk about what worked for me – but it has worked! I find the work of Dr. David R Hawkins fascinating and extremely thought provoking.

Dr. David R Hawkins – What is spirituality?

“So, if you want to grow spiritually, it’s so simple, that it’s overlooked all the time. It’s a decision to be loving and kind towards all of life, including your own, at all times no matter what. To be forgiving, to be gentle, to be that which is supportive of life – so it becomes not what you do, but who you are. You become that which supports life, supports all endeavours, it encourages those who need encouragement and it becomes the energy of life itself.”

“The more we give love, the greater our capacity to do so.”

“Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give.”

“That which you resist stays.”

“Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually, it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others.”

“Everything you see happening is the consequence of that which you are.”

“Every thought, action, decision or feeling creates an eddy in the interlocking, interbalancing, ever-moving energy fields of life, leaving a permanent record for all of time. This realization can be intimidating when it first dawns on us, but it becomes a springboard for rapid evolution.”

“With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly ‘for their own good’. To be a committed spiritual seeker, it is necessary to relinquish the desire to be ‘right’ or of imaginary value to society. In fact, no body’s ego or belief systems are of any value to society at all. The world is neither good nor bad nor defective, nor is it in need of help or modification because its appearance is only a projection of one’s own mind. No such world exists. Simple kindness to one’s self and all that lives is the most powerful transformational force of all.”

“We change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we have become.”

“All judgment reveals itself to be self-judgment in the end, and when this is understood a larger comprehension of the nature of life takes its place.”

“The readiness to initiate the journey cannot be forced nor can people be faulted if it has not occurred in them as yet. The level of consciousness has to have advanced to the stage where such an intention would be meaningful and attractive.”

“The downside of spiritual education is the buildup of the vanity of ‘I know’ and the devaluation of people who are ‘not spiritual’. Therefore it is important as a foundation to spiritual training and education to learn how consciousness manifests as the ego and its mechanisms.”

“It is only the minority of people who seek self-improvement or personal growth. This is because whatever one’s self-criticisms, one secretly really believes that one’s way of being is okay and probably the only correct one. They are all right as they are, and all problems are caused by other people’s selfishness, unfairness, and by the external world.”

“Spiritual evolution occurs as the result of removing obstacles and not actually acquiring anything new. Devotion enables surrender of the mind’s vanities and cherished illusions so that it progressively becomes more free and more open to the light of Truth.”

“Everybody is like a magnet. You attract to yourself reflections of that which you are. If you’re friendly then everybody else seems to be friendly too.”

“Why give the ego more power by resisting and opposing it?”

“With spiritual work, the terms ‘is’ or ‘are’ become progressively replaced by the term ’seems to’, which is due to the increasing realization of the degree to which perception is the mask that hinders truth.”

Spiritual concepts worth a look

For anyone starting out on a journey of discovery, here are a few concepts that I feel are worth exploring:

Book – Dr. David R Hawkins – Power versus Force

Book – don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements

Film – What the Bleep Do We Know

]]> http://johnglanvill.com/spirituality/feed/ 3 http://johnglanvill.com/protected-private-client-area/ http://johnglanvill.com/protected-private-client-area/#comments Sun, 25 Oct 2009 13:50:07 +0000 admin http://johnglanvill.com/?p=2516 Client Area – Free hypnosis downloads, hypnotherapy MP3 recordings and personal development work sheets for your personal growth and emotional wellbeing. As a valued client, please feel free to listen to any of these hypnosis MP3 recordings…

It is a fascinating journey where you begin to discover who you really are, we reveal the good points and the areas that need a little updating – from this new position of increased self awareness the  personal change work can truly commence. I can help you to let go of old feelings, such as, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy etc. and then help you to rebuild your confidence and self respect.  Usually the number of face to face sessions required is manageable because my work is supplemented with hours of therapeutic recordings that explain how the unconscious mind and body work,  where anxiety and depression come from and this allows you to generate new ways of emotionally responding whilst remaining calm and in control. It is a common sense approach to understanding who you are, how you work, what needs to change and helps you to uncover what you really want from life – and it works well. Read what my clients say here…

Professional therapist treating anxiety disorders & developing self awareness

The information on my website and my occupation as a therapist in Buckingham, Bucks. are all about helping you to manage or overcome negative thoughts, feeling down, and self limiting beliefs.  As a clinical hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and psychometrian (behaviour specialist) all of the therapies and psychological techniques I use are safe, tried and tested and follow processes that usually deliver great results, allowing you to move forward in your life with more confidence, calmness and importantly more choice. Although I work with a diverse range of problems, I specialise in anxiety treatment and overcoming Generalised Anxiety Disorders (GAD), panic attacks, treating OCD, IBS treatment, helping to lift depression and depressive feelings, increasing motivation to lose weight & diet and enhancing self respect and self-esteem for effective weight loss & slimming. I also help people who are experiencing emotional problems or just feeling lost, perhaps experiencing  jealous feelings or a midlife crisis. During the therapy sessions I teach you as many of these self help  and personal development skills as possible, that way, you have more control whatever situation you may find yourself in – and, as a client, you will have access to my private client area which houses over 15 hours of  Free hypnosis downloads MP3 recordings and self awareness tools for your continued personal growth and emotional well-being.

Therapy Buckingham, hypnotherapy Milton Keynes, Brackley & Winslow

My office is in Buckingham, on the borders of Buckinghamshire, Oxfordshire, Northamptonshire and Bedfordshire – 20 minutes from the M1 Junction 13 or M40 junction 9/10. The majority of my clients come from the area bounded by Milton Keynes, Aylesbury, Northampton and Oxford, although many who are referred by their friends come up from London to experience my change work. Take a while to explore my website and listen to some of the recordings, when you are ready, give me a call and we can discuss how to get you back on track.

Self hypnosis MP3 downloads and free hypnosis downloads

In my opinion nothing beats face to face therapy and personal growth mentoring, however, it isn’t always accessible to all people. So I have made available some free hypnosis downloads that focus on generating more motivation to make changes in your life and to increase your self belief. In addition, you can purchase self hypnosis mp3 downloads from my store. Professionally recorded high quality self help downloads that  gently work with your unconscious mind to loosen the grip of unwanted behaviours and emotions. These hypnotherapy recordings are ready for immediate download for problems such as, insomnia, hypnosis anxiety treatment, overcoming jealousy, weight loss and just not feeling good enough.