Specialist Anxiety Therapist • Therapy For Profound Personal Growth

10 Day Vipassana Meditation Course – Blog

John — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:41:22 +0000

I will be shortly attending a 10 day Vipassana residential retreat and I thought it might be interesting to track my thoughts and intent during the time leading up to the event and to explore my experience and reflections afterwards.

Firstly, what is Vipassana meditation?

This is what the official website says; ‘The word Vipassana means seeing things as they really are. It is the process of self- purification by self-observation. One begins by observing the natural breath to concentrate the mind. With a sharpened awareness one proceeds to observe the changing nature of body and mind and experiences the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness. This truth-realization by direct experience is the process of purification. The entire path (Dhamma) is a universal remedy for universal problems and has nothing to do with any organized religion or sectarianism. For this reason, it can be freely practiced by everyone, at any time, in any place, without conflict due to race, community or religion, and will prove equally beneficial to one and all.’

Basically, it is a 10 day residential retreat where the attendee agrees to conscientiously undertake the following precepts for the whole 10 days:

To abstain from killing any being
To abstain from stealing
To abstain from all sexual activity
To abstain from telling lies
To abstain from all intoxicants

Well, I think I can do that easily enough. Now for the big stuff………

Noble Silence

All students must observe Noble Silence from the beginning of the course until the morning of the last full day. Noble Silence means silence of body, speech, and mind. Any form of communication with fellow students, whether by gestures, sign language, written notes, etc., is prohibited. No telephone, no PC, no books, no talking, no leaving the compound, no pens and paper, no interacting with anybody (not even looking at them!) The challenge is getting bigger……

OK, so it is going to be interesting! Just for fun, let’s throw in a few more rules;

Get up at 04:00 everyday
Meditate for 10 hours per day
Only vegetarian food

What am I hoping to get from this?

I don’t like the word goals these days, so I’d rather you use the word ‘intent’ – my intent is to add more structure to my existing meditation routines, to take some time out to focus on me, and to explore more intense methods of quietening the chatter in my mind. The list looks a little like this;

To try a new form of meditation
To explore my mind when removed from the influences of daily life
To selfishly dedicate 10 days of self-awareness on myself
To explore my own spirituality
To explore what happens internally if you can stop being hooked by the events and people of the external world
To reconnect with my body
Obviously, I know what I know, but what don’t I know? I’d just like to explore new things

The biggest attraction for me is the ‘silence’ to not speak for 10 days. What stories will my mind come up with? Will they stop after a few days? Is there another emotional level underneath all the chatter?

During my life I have been an avid people watcher and studied deeply on human nature, behaviour and the structure of communication. On the surface I am reasonably good at reading people and breaking down personality types etc. which works well in my job as a therapist, however, I am more and more coming to the consclusion that I am missing something by ‘watching them’ as opposed to ‘experiencing me.’

Surely, I am the only thing that I have and can experience?

Discipline & focus

Another aspect of my personality I am looking to explore are facets, such as, self-discipline, focus, attention, concentration, mindfulness and the like. In more recent times I have been working on being more mindful, meaning, to place my attention fully in anything that I am doing – so, if I am painting the wall, I focus 100% on painting the wall, what does the paint smell like? I explore the richness of the colours, how the paint flows, and, of course, to observe my emotional and mental reactions to mistakes and splashes etc.

To me, the real benefit of this focus is to stop my mind from pulling me this way and that, pondering, ruminating, worrying, planning about things from the past or things yet to happen in the future – to be really present in the moment and to afford it my full attention, as all the books keep telling me “right now, this moment, is all you really have, the past has gone and the future never comes – there is only ever NOW.”

Over the past few years I have also focused on things I want to stop doing and I have become very aware that it takes a lot of discipline and focus (or perhaps a better word is ‘to have a clear intent’) to keep paying attention to the things that you don’t need anymore. Facets of my life that fall into this category include; maintaining a healthy weight, working smarter not just harder, being less focused on what my mind wants and more focused on what my body wants and letting go of the need to be right or to have to control anybody (or where possible anything.)

I feel that spending time on the Vipassana retreat will allow me to further refine this capacity within myself.

Selfish or Selfless?

10 days away from my family, 10 days away from business, 10 days without any contact, interaction or emotional contact with anything external from myself…..

Seven years ago I would have thought that was selfish, self-centred and would have believed that I would have to work hard to justify this extravagance to the people in my life and I would have entered such an event with a little guilt and the voices in my mind would have been having a field day beating me up about what or should or shouldn’t be doing.

It has taken a lot of work, a change in my profession, and rethink of my values and beliefs and a complete reset of how I communicate externally and internally for me to now say “I am really looking forward to this and I have no problems with this time for ME.

A few years back I began to use a new phrase as part of my internal dialogue and that is – it’s OK for me to be “Selfishly Selfless.” To feel comfortable putting myself first, doing things for me, of me, about me, to spend time on my own spirituality, emotional stability and ensuring my core needs are being met. Because this then allows me to be there for others (if they wish) and in general to be a calm and positive energy on this planet.

How to meditate?

I have struggled with meditation for many years and have never had any formal training or instruction, I remember reading the book ‘Meditation for Dummies’ on holiday once and at the end of the book I was more confused than when I started!

So I have formed my own methods of meditating and I don’t really call it mediation these days as I try to remain in a meditative state as much as I can throughout the day.

Every day I do a light form of meditation for 20 minutes before I sleep at night and 20 minutes as I awake each morning – this helps me to let go of the events of the day, close off any unfinished business in my mind, then focus on quietening my mind.

Years ago I thought relaxing meant to relax your body, these days I am very aware that relaxing means to quieten your mind, and when the mind is quiet the body drops down to profound levels of relaxation. “The body responds to what you hold in mind” – this one phrase has be proved true to me time and time again – it’s obvious really, however, so few people seem to get it, took me a long time.

At other times throughout the day I might meditate for short periods, sometimes by focusing on a problem in my mind and just observing it rather than trying to solve it, I observe the issue from differing viewpoints and avoid getting pulled in to discussions with my own mind. At other times I focus on a single point in my mind – like staring down a black hole in my mind and within this fixation of attention I find quiet.

Mostly I find that making time for meditation keeps me relaxed and calm, it also stops me being pulled into the issues of life, perhaps, gives me more emotional flexibility and certainly feels like it recharges me and keeps my immune system on par.

Once or twice during longer meditation sessions I have had some quite profound experiences, one in particular moved me deeply. I was on a retreat where we were meditating for 1 hour sessions 2 or 3 times a day for a week in the context of exploring our beliefs and the way we structure our view of the world and the way we emotionally respond to it – during one meditation I became quite emotionally overwhelmed, not in a bad way, in a beautifully serene, loving and ‘connected’ way.

I was crying, but not in a sobbing manner – my eyes were just ‘leaking’ and my whole body felt like it had been plugged into the mains electricity, there is no other way to describe it – it felt like my whole unconscious nervous system had had its voltage turned up, it felt wonderful and my mind was completely silent, it was wonderful.

This feeling stayed with me long after the meditation ended and it was indescribably wonderful, I could have sat with that feeling all day, no problem at all.

So far, events like that have been few and far between and I know that one of the reasons I am attending the focused Vipassana retreat is to explore meditation at a deeper and more structured level.

Preparation for Vipassana

So what am I going to do to prepare for the retreat? Not a lot really, I am just going to let it unfold. I am finding the idea of 2 hour meditation sessions quite appealing; firstly, because of the fascination of the challenge, can I do it? How will my mind respond? How will my body respond?

The second thing that appeals to me is the whole concept of not focussing on anybody else, no communication, no observing others – I tried this last week, I drove to my local shopping centre and walked around without looking at anybody or anything in particular – IT WAS REALLY HARD… My mind kept on proposing what I was missing out on, and as I tried to look around just using my peripheral vision, I became aware of how powerful it is at picking out objects that are aligned with interests / fears.

I also sat in a cafe and read my book without paying any attention to other patrons of the coffee shop, not looking at them, not listening to them, not responding to noises and distractions, holding off any judgements in my mind etc. Once again, hugely difficult, however, once I was in the rhythm my focus on the book was intense and deeply rewarding.

As I finished reading and ended my little experiment it was as if the whole coffee shop became a loud cacophony of noise and activity, which quite surprised me.

I’m not going to do anything else in preparation. One challenge I will have will be with my body as I have some congenital defects in my spine and hips from birth which means I can’t sit on the floor in a conventional meditation pose, so I will need to be seated in a straight backed chair, however, I don’t think this will be too much of an issue because I have pretty much learned to detach from the pain and I know from experience that the body normally does what it is told – if I say sit still and don’t move, it does, it is my mind that complains, not my body!

So I say bring it on – I am so looking forward to this……

How I felt during / after Vipassana

Coming soon – come back and read this once I have completed the event……. Perhaps you can bookmark this and come back in April to see?

What’s the meaning of life?

John — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:37:11 +0000

I guess the real question is “What is the meaning of MY life?” as opposed to “What do I think is expected of me from my life?” which supposes that the expectation is from others, spouse, parents, children, society, religion, work etc.

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” Alan Watts

Trouble is, if you just be then a whole bunch of ego driven stories bubble up in the mind:

About what you should be doing
About how you will be judged by others
About how you need to be successful
About how you judge yourself
About the need for money, status and owning / getting stuff

“We are afraid to take responsibility for ourselves, to fully define ourselves in our own terms. So we give responsibility of defining who we are to somebody else and then struggle to live up to those demands. Most of all we are afraid of our emotions and feeling our feelings.Because if we acknowledged our true emotions and feelings, then took full responsibility for them, we would have to leave the treadmill of our lives behind and take full responsibility for creating something more emotionally meaningful based around happiness.”

Conscious versus unconscious needs and desires

For me the question needs to be spilt into two parts; firstly, what unconscious DNA driven animal desires I have, then, secondly, what the logical, rational, linguistic and non-animal part of my conscious mind thinks it needs?

It’s hard to fight against nature (unconscious mind and DNA) the urge to breathe, the desire for food, water and sleep, the wanting to reproduce, and the whole ‘animal’ desire to keep the body alive through connection and security. These inner desires and needs have done exceptionally well to keep our species alive and prevalent across our planet. We don’t need to think too much about these desires that are just latent inside us and often we take them for granted. If you hold your breath for 1 minute you’ll remember how important breathing is! Far more important that what job you have or which car you drive.

I feel that the real challenges that we struggle with come from our conscious mind, our thoughts and beliefs of who we think we are and what we think we should do – and the self beliefs that (in our mind) we hold dear and form the foundations of how we need to act and react in this world.

Fixed positionality and opposites?

I have spent a few years experimenting with positionalities and differing points of view to see what effect they may have on my feelings and emotional reactions to others – and the results have really startled me. There is no right or wrong, good or bad, best or worst – they are just opinions based on what is important to you, based on your beliefs and based on your point of view in that moment. If I was starving politics would not be important to me, finding food would be, however, if I had all the food I needed then using politics to get food for others might be important.

We also jump to the conclusion so easily that one thing is good and another is bad – this is making one thing right and another wrong – it is setting up a duality that seems to be real, however is so dependant on context. Good is not the opposite of bad – there is either lots of goodness or not much goodness, you see, as you stop looking at things as opposites and as right or wrong, you have to begin to consider the context of the subject, you might say you need to see the bigger picture.

What is happening right NOW?

Many humans fall into the trap of projecting their needs forward in time “when I get that job, then I can go on holiday” or they mull around thoughts from the past “it wasn’t fair that I lost my job” either way, they are missing the point, which is, you can only experience the “right now” this moment right now. If you spend this moment right now worrying about the future or commiserating about the past then you have lost that moment, it’s gone forever – you can only live in the right now and, right now, this moment, you don’t have any problems – you are just reading this post – you are just being.

So if you decide to sit down and do nothing – do it fully, don’t feel guilty about doing nothing, be in the moment and put all your attention on what you are doing in that moment, driving, relaxing, painting, writing, working, whatever you are doing immerse yourself in the moment and focus on nothing else – give it a try and see what happens.

Conclusion

So, I don’t know the meaning of life – perhaps it is just to be? Perhaps it is to change the world? Perhaps it is to nurture life? Perhaps it is to raise families? I suppose it doesn’t matter really, as long as you are happy, calm, connected and emotionally stable. If you’d like to talk more about this, give me a call on 01280 823059

Protected: Self Awareness Recordings

John — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:49:12 +0000

Guest Speaker – Well-being for SME Managers

John — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:29:07 +0000

31 years of experience spanning; engineering, IT, sales, management & therapy allows for an interesting psychological view of communication, influence & emotion in the work place.

Intellectually stimulating lectures for team leaders

This is NOT your usual NLP / Self-help / Think like a confidence person etc. – Absolutely Not.

These inspirational seminars and educational workshops dissect the traps that our conscious and unconscious mind fall into, that so often lead to emotional reactions, conflict and frustration. Through the use of practical examples, stories and metaphors, delivered in a light-hearted yet logical manner, the attendee experiences deep realisations which open the door for more behavioural flexibility and growth.

These sessions are tailor made to engage the audience, the time constraint and the behavioural modification desired, and are often perfect for;

Injecting new points of view, therefore, more choice into management meetings
Re-energising managers who have become stuck in a rut
Getting the most out of gifted employees through “emotional Intelligence” training
Advising dominant leaders how to disseminate information in a language to suit others
Preparing individuals to expect change and manage the anxiety
Helping rigid employees to expand their point of view

Typical guest speaker subjects

This web site is full of ideas and concepts, however, here are few of the more common lectures I give;

Recognising “who you really are“ – DNA versus Domestication
Communicating with integrity
Treating people the way THEY want to be treated
Human psychometric testing not company psychometric testing
Taking emotional reactions out of conversations
Not taking things personally
Stopping the negative internal dialogue in your mind
Letting go of “Not Good Enough” fearful beliefs
Understanding where motivation really comes from
Recognising beliefs and values
The 3 choices – Accept, Change or Fight
Working with anxious employees
Managing stress via emotional awareness
Errors of positionality – right versus wrong, good versus bad etc.

One to personal growth sessions for employees

All good leaders know that finding, keeping and developing the right employees is one of the hardest and most important day to day tasks. To help you to do this I offer face to face guidance sessions that assist you in;

Further developing those who are good
Expanding emotional flexibility in those who are stuck
Motivating those who are lost
Giving those who don’t make the grade one more chance to see where they are going wrong

What to do when you are interested

Call me for a chat 01280 823059 – now….. really, call me now……. what are you waiting for?…. ok, what story is going around in your mind now?….. That’s what I’m interested in, how the mind works….. Let’s talk about it.

2012 the year of integrity?

John — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:34:01 +0000

It’s been quite a while since I was employed by a corporation and I would like to reflect on some of my ruminations and observations regarding work / life balance.

In my own therapy practice I am very diligent about getting the right balance between; hours worked, time for research, avoiding emotionally toxic clients, relaxation and exercise.

For instance, I only very occasionally work a Saturday morning and never on Sundays, I try to take my dog out for a walk during the day (not only for his benefit, mainly for mine) and I find an hour a day to read and study new concepts and therapeutic interactions. And although I work 4 evenings a week I also find time to have a couple of extra hours in bed a few mornings a week!

Obviously, on the flip side I take the risks associated with being self-employed.

The reason I mention this is because so many of my clients (who are in full time employment) tell me that what is expected from them by their employers is rising year by year, longer hours, adhesion to more processes, more overlap with other disciplines, more travel, more phone calls, more responsibility, to be more flexible and comfortable with change and measurement. I can see why the employer wants this, however, what about the employee?

Integrity in the work place

Since the early 1990′s corporations have (on paper) strived to be more caring, more integrous, more green, more xyz…. There has become a marketing need to be seen to be trading with more integrity, you only need to look at the mission statements of large corporations to see how they are trying to position themselves in the eyes of their market place, the city and their investors. However, there is often a big difference between a projection of integrity from the marketing department and the delivery of integrity back towards their own employees, and, importantly, many employees are not acting with integrity towards themselves.

My beef is not with the corporations, they can do what they wish, they are tied into the cycle of returning value to shareholders and keeping the financial markets fed with the right messages, no, my question is for the employees - “Where does your own well-being start and stop as an employee?”

Do we need more balance?

Only you can answer that! I know that when I started working back in 1979 it was a very different world and the expectations that were put upon me were fewer, the job was 9 – 5 and they paid overtime! There were no computers and lots of administration staff and receptionsists – all I had to focus on was my job.

Over the years everything has changed, people have to multi-task, travel further distances, put up with repetitive systems, stay till the work is done, answer the phones, get the post and cover for absent colleagues – more work is done by fewer people in less time. I know that is the way of the world these days, however, more and more people in their 40′s are starting to say “I don’t want to play this game anymore, there has got to be more to life than this?” When the stresses or work overlap into your home and social life – where do you draw the line?

How we trick ourselves – and justify doing more and more

Today is January 10th 2012 and already five people this year have said to me “I don’t know why I am working this hard, there must be more to life than this….” or words to that effect. They don’t know what they do want, however they are realising more and more what they don’t want.

I feel I need to bring in another aspect to this discussion which is “what is your personality type?” because the internal dialogue and justifications that we use when we work harder and harder differ from person to person dependant on their personality profile.

Type 1 Personalities: are self reliant, highly responsible and hard working individuals, they place very high value on integrity and keeping standards to a high quality, as such, they tend to use lots of energy trying to be perfect and get angry as a consequence of the constant struggle to get things ‘right’. Because they think that their way is best, they tend to be critical of others, especially those who shirk responsibility – they often feel anxious and resent those who get away with not following rules.

Type 2 Personalities: are empathetic and warm and try to show others their ‘best side’. Within a working environment they get trapped by trying to be indispensable to far too many people and stretch themselves too far, they also get trapped by expecting the same levels of helpfulness back.

Type 3 Personalities: are self assured, personable, practical and efficient and identify with the approval they get from being successful, they are uncomfortable failing or not being in control so they try to always portray a favourable image and suppress emotions to get things done. Although they do perform well in a team, they are also very competitive. therefore, dislike inefficiency or criticism.

Type 4 Personalities: are warm, empathetic, sensitive and creative, they tend to idealise the world and long for ‘something’ that will make them feel complete. They hate mundane repetitive tasks and like to stamp a little uniqueness onto whatever they do. If they are not supported, encouraged or ‘loved’ they feel abandoned and this makes them angry and depressed. Although they are comfortable with external change they personally don’t like being changed by others

Type 5 Personalities: are private, studious, knowledgeable and enjoy thinking about problems (prefer thinking to actually doing!) They are dependable and respectful, although work may take longer to do because it has to be right and they need their own ‘private’ space to do it. Because they don’t like small talk they are often misunderstood and get uncomfortable when too many demands are placed on them.

Type 6 Personalities: are trustworthy and very loyal, normally with a nice sense of humour, however, they need to feel secure so are always scanning around and planning ahead for things that could go wrong or threaten their status-quo. They like the security authority figures may provide and will conform to their needs, however, if the leader does not have integrity they may rebel – this flip-flopping around confuses others. Because they doubt other peoples motives and dislike any form of criticism, they may appear cold when you first meet them, however, once they ‘let you in’ they are kind and loyal. Because they fear criticism they find it hard to quickly finish projects as they want it to be absolutely accurate or they get caught in loops of procrastination. They tend to get stressed and anxious quite easily.

Type 7 Personalities: are optimistic, fun loving and adventurous, great visionaries and starters of projects, however, lack the patience or attention to detail to see jobs through to the end. They are drawn to the more hedonistic things in life, focusing on tasks that are pleasurable or fun. They can be loud and overbearing, yet mean no harm. They need lots of interesting things happening or they get bored and this leads them to feeling anxious. They are good net-workers and can be very creative when brain storming.

Type 8 Personalities: are controlling, dominant and intuitive, they are driven by justice and truth and readily take charge of situations. They enjoy delivering on goals as this reinforces their self-worth, they don’t care if you don’t like them, however, they do care that you respect them. They are comfortable speaking their mind and have an energy that propels projects forward, they are not afraid to go first and will be controlling of people, situations and resources. Taking so much responsibility does lead to being stressed, yet this is usually handled well.

Type 9 Personalities: are harmonious and peaceful team-players, they like things ‘just so’, repetition and stability are important to them. They perceive and adapt to the needs of others very well, often at the expense of their own needs. They dislike change and any form of conflict, this may lead them to suppress feelings and opinions for long periods, thereafter exploding with frustration, before returning to a quiet suppression, this may cause others to ‘walk on eggshells’ around them.

Excuses we use to justify being stressed

So, you can see that employees respond to the needs of the corporation in many differing and diverse manners and by recognising which personality group you belong to it is possible to understand why employers ‘push your emotional button’ – more importantly though, you are able to recognise when your ego is coming up with excuses to defend your putting up with unfair or over-burdening work loads.

So what I am proposing is working smarter, and working harder where it is appropriate to work harder – on what the employer wants rather than what your ego / personality profile fears. This way you are working with integrity to yourself as well as to them.

Of course, if they do not have integrity for you – perhaps you need to ask yourself if you need to be there. And if that raises fears about finding a new job or security then you need to ask yourself what part of you is afraid? What part of you thinks it can’t get a new job or retrain? What part of you is fearful? It is at this point that real personal growth can begin because you have found the core of your fears.

Are you being integrous to your personality type?

In my experience most people don’t really know who they are – they say “well, I’m just me” – Well, I’d say you are not! You are the sum of your DNA, your upbringing, your schooling, your religion and the events of your life. You are a complex human being – and most humans don’t understand who they are.

If they did understand it would be so much easier for them to think, say and do things that were inline with their emotional and physical needs. You could say that if you really knew what made you tick, then you’s know what to do to make yourself happy.

The good news is it is never too late to learn and never to late to align yourself with your true fundamental needs.

Sensible guidance and mentoring

If you would like help to understand who you are, what you want and how your emotions work – I can help. There is something very emotioanlly calming about understanding who you are (and who others are) because we don’t all think the same way, act the same way, or even want the same things.

We need to treat others the way THEY would like to be treated and treat ourselves the way WE would like to be treated.

If you’d like help to understand yourself better – give me a call on 01280 823059.

Watch as I stop drinking and start loving myself

John — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:46:54 +0000

Hi, my name is Sam and I want to take back control of my life. I am going to use this daily blog as a way to capture my thoughts and my actions as I stop messing around and become the person I really want to be.

My New Goals Are:

Start being honest with myself.
Stop running away from the potential failure/success of life without alcohol. (all the time I’m still doing it I’ll never know will I?)
Start to see the positives in any given situation – BE GRATEFUL!

Wednesday November 30th 2011–

Before I start writing anything here I need to say that when John suggested I write this blog I was very unsure about exposing myself in an honest and open way with the people closest to me that I will invite to read this and others who may decide to read this who will not ever know me personally. After careful consideration I have made the decision that I am in a bad place right now and only I can change that, and if sitting down once a day and recording my feelings, thoughts and most probably fears is going to help me live in a better place emotionally then actually it’s probably worth the time. Note to the reader – I may go on a bit and I’ll apologise now for that :O)

Well it is not quite 7am on a wet windy Wednesday morning, the last day of November and the month of madness will soon be upon us. I say that but actually the fact that December usually means (for everyone else) that they will push the limits of excess with socialising, food and particulary alcohol however when I look at how I live my life – every month is December!

I don’t know yet why I drink I haven’t figured that out, my background isn’t one of a boozy nature, neither of my parents where big drinkers nor any of my siblings growing up, we always had the usual alcohol in the house – Advocaat, Pernod Martini Rosso and not forgetting of course Tia Maria, my god who drinks any of that stuff?? So why am I driven by this need to open a bottle of wine (or 2) on a nightly basis or “treat” myself to a couple of G&T’s. When did it become the norm for me to drink every night?

I could tell you that it makes me feel better about myself and yes for about an hour at the onset of getting drunk I’d say thats probably true, makes me feel less self conscious about how I look or my weight, but once I’m halfway down that bottle of Pinot I start to feel like I’ve let myself down. it’s like ………. I promised myself tonight I was not going to drink and here I am again – this then almost immediately connect to my other big problem of weight…. how many calories in a bottle of wine? I’ll tell you, approx 550 depending on what your tipple of choice is. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been really good all day, not had any bread, potatoes, sugary foods, I may have even almost killed myself at the gym for 2 hours and all that good work undone the moment I get the corkscrew out.

I’m a sales rep for a large manufacturing company and I occasionally have to stay away from home – I’ve never managed a night in a hotel without being drunk, hammered in some instances – its all on expenses and I’m away from home so I may as well enjoy myself, I could probably find at least another 50 justifications for getting into such states – wow I’m painiting a really pretty picture aren’t I? I also have a very social home life that is very much entrenched with alcohol, my husband likes a drink (or 3) and all of our friends are also very much drinkers, actually now I think about it I am not sure I know anyone who doesn’t drink. I suppose I’m trying to lay down the background of just how anxious I am about what my life will be like sans alcohol…………..

My immediate worries are many and varied:

What if I’m completely boring and no one wants to be in my company sober?

What if hubby and I dont like each other when we are not hiding behind a drunken haze?

What if my life isn’t actually any better by getting my drinking under control or stopping altogether, I know right now I am saying this (drinking) is the thing in my life that makes me the unhappiest as its rooted firmly in all the other areas where I feel out of control but what if I lick the alcohol thing and I’m still unhappy then who/what do I blame?

John said this would be a good way of me becoming accountable to myself as I dont like to show my failings to people, he is of course right about that however I have to say my anxiety over removing alcohol from my life (whether on a temporary or more permanent basis) scares me a whole lot more then putting this out there for all the world to see and then me looking like a muppet when I fail spectaculary.

All I can promise myself is that I want to give it my best attempt. I want to at least see if all my fears about who I am or what my life will be like without the demon drink are true or not. Honestly I think I’m really going to struggle over the next month as there are parties planned, people to celebrate with and maybe I have to be realistic with my goals December is probably not the best time to go cold Turkey as they say…….

Thursday December 1st 2011–

Well its Thursday night and its almost midnight………… Can’t say I’m impressed with my progress, as I’ve had 2 (small) bottles of cider and half a bottle of wine. The justification is of course is that I am on my own - Hubby is on nights and I hate being on my own……

I’m really woried about the next few days – actually I’m really worried about the next month…. I really want to do this blog thing and John was spot on, I actually can feel my anxiety levels rising as I type about the fact I’ve drank again tonight :O( I hate to think he has set me a challenge and I’m publicly failing miserably. We have a whole weekend of activities planned and they are all pretty much alcohol based I dont know where to start to adjust my life to accommodate the “no drinking”

I almost feel even worse because if I really wanted to stop I would right? Problem with that is that I have to go to a works function in London on Sunday, lots of customers there to socialise with and god forbid they see the real “Sam” – then its my works Christmas party next Thursady, again nightmare scenario……. then Christmas then New Year – I just do not know where to start – I want to believe that after this mad mad month of festivities at least the external pressure will be off and I will be able to focus sensibly on not relying on alcohol to relax and feel like I fit in. Maybe all I can do is my best right now on the days when I have nothing planned and try to limit my intake as much as I am able.

Sorry to be negative guess thats the wine talking (Although i’m not maudlin BTW) I just think myself realistic.

Friday December 2nd 2011–

Friday night and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself. I decided I was not going to drink today and that if I achieve anything this month the least will be that I will control the days when I am not in social situations….. so no drinking at home and no going to the pub just for the sake of it. Amazingly hubby had arranged for us to meet a couple of friends tonight in our local but I choose not to go, so whilst he is out I can take the time to reflect on my decision. I’m not planning to hide myself away but I’m not ready to sit in a pub and drink coke - too much temptation for me. We are out on Sunday so I will let my hair down then and actually that is a step forward for me.

I’ve spent a lot of time today thinking about how I am going to manage December and I’m confident I can do OK and just by being more selective about my socialising I could almost definately reduce my alcohol intake, I’ve sort of got my thoughts that it will be easier to not be so “visible” in NOT drinking in January as most people do the whole detox no drinking thing so I can really focus on totally getting to grips with it.

Although I have to ask myself why does it matter what people actually think about me not drinking ……….. there is an element of being afraid of not fitting in to the sociall dynamic, people seeing the “real” Sam for who she is or most certainly who Sam’s Judge thinks she is, unnattractive, boring, not good enough, I am sure of one thing, that when I drink my SuperSam character comes alive and I become for all intent and purpose confident, knowing and funny although surrealy still never attractive or sexy hmmm………

Anyway one day at a time and always look for the positive and today I can say I am grateful that I have stuck to my guns re not going out tonight and that I can sit in my lovely safe warm cosy house enjoying my own company and indulging in nothing stronger than a nice milky hot chocolate before bed. Happy days.

Monday December 5th 2011–

So today is Monday and I haven’t posted anything since Friday evening. I was out over the weekend both socially and a works engagement so the whole drinking issue is slap bang there in front of me. I did have quite a few drinks both days and actually I’m not going to beat myself up about it as today is another new day and I am not planning to have any alcohol for the next couple of days at least.

In my session today with John he asked me if this (controlling the drinking) was something I really wanted, and I can only say that yes it is – I guess I am trying to walk some kind of fine line at the moment between still doing all the “normal” things everyone that knows me expects me to do and feeling like I am making some progress with the private challenge I have going on.

I just have to try to ignore all the noise and voices in my head, focus on the basic relaxation techniques I have gone through with John and try to work with the anxiety I am experiencing at the moment.

Wednesday December 7th 2011–

Well its 7:30am on Wednesday morning and I’m awake – no hangover (yay) and 2 days no drinking under my belt. Have to say though I was quite fed up last night – Hubby came home from work at 8pm with a couple of large bottles of lager as the footy was on and I was straight on the highspeed train that is my victim character about the fact he could be so insensitive as to bring alcohol into the house when he knows what I am trying to do right now. so needless to say I managed to ignore the voices saying ” go on share the beer you deserve it, its nearly Christmas, you had a day off yesterday blah blah blah” and not indulge (Massive step for me) the negative side was I was so intent on ignoring the goading voices of my alcohol monster that I totally embraced to victim and hubby and I spent the whole evening not speaking – I couldn’t even really articulate to him why I was so upset with him so he probably isn’t completely sure what he had even done. To be honest as I’m sat here writing this – he is still in bed and I am unsure how we make this alright….. is this my 8 year old ego stamping her stroppy foot and having a tantrum??

I am pretty determined to stick to my little plan I have formulated and agreed with myself, the one where I will manage and control my intake of alcohol on all the occasions I can, for example not in the house, and not going out for “a quick” one during the week for no reason. I feel I can reduce how much I am drinking considerably by doing this during Decemeber but emotionally I am unsure I am able to not drink at all this month, too many things going on, too many social things going on.

I am quite worried about the next few days – I am due to go away today for work as I am in a 2 day meeting and tonight we will all be out at dinner, normally guaranteed to be a boozy affair, and then tomorrow night is my works Christmas party – so I am not sure how I am going to get through it without being sucked in to the “norm”. I guess all I can do is try to moderate both nights and I promise myself now in writing (and so you can see it) that I will try my best to do this.

Friday December 9th 2011–

Its been a pretty manic couple of days and strangely I’m feeling a sense of almost relief about being home and not drinking tonight. I was so proud of myself for not having any alcohol on Mon and Tues night but as I knew I would, I have drank for the last two nights – albeit I was pretty good on the Wednesday evening – my team and I went out for a meal and I had a few drinks – but nothing too excessive certainly by our normal standards.

My company had its Christmas party last night and to be honest I struggled – It wasn’t a great night and I felt quite isolated even in a huge room full of people, I got very emotional and even had to go and compose myself a couple of times in the loo – I wasn’t looking forward to it before I went and on reflection I should have maybe made my excuses and not attended. I can’t say that that was the reason I drank as much as I did but I was most certainly aware of feeling very conscious of what I looked like – my hair, make up, dress etc etc and almost of thinking the quicker I get drunk the faster I wont care………… but I certainly didn’t at any point start to not care in fact the more I drank the more unhappy about how I looked I became.

On the upside though I’m pleased with my self for sticking to my plan about taking more control with my drinking. I have another Christmas party tomorrow night and also the following Saturday evening but in the meantime I want to prove to myself that I can do the week in between and not let myself down.

Wednesday December 14th 2011–

Haven’t been able to post much this week, had an awful bout of cold and have been laid up since Monday. On a positive note I haven’t had anything to drink since Saturday night so I’m really rather chuffed with myself that I am sticking to my little agreement with myself. I am going out on Saturday evening so am saving myself for then and looking forward to having an opportunity to let my hair down a bit. I’ve finished work now for Christmas so I am intending to spend some time enjoying my recordings and relaxing.

Thursday December 15th 2011–

Day 5 of no drinking and tbh am feeling like I deserve a drink tonight, I know its only a belief and that I should ignore all the justifications in my head telling me I have done really well and I have earn’t a drink tonight but I have to say I am actually ready for a drink (can that be so?).

I have been feeling better in myself this week – much better in fact much more positive so hopefully that will continue through the next few weeks. I do feel like I am winning but it doesn’t take much for me to slip back into feeling like I am struggling with controlling the alcohol I’ll have to see how I manage over this coming weekend. – Its funny though how I believe weekend begins on a thursday night Hmmm ?

Saturday December 17th 2011–

Had a busy day today – had a competition at the golf club and did have a couple of drinks afterwards but as we had plans for this evening we didn’t go too mad earlier. I have to say though I wasn’t really in the mood for it tonight – cant put my finger on it, company was excellent, food was great but I just wasn’t in the mood to sit in a busy restaurant drinking – I only had 2 gin & tonics then went on to lemonade and what would have normally been an occasion where hubby would trying to drag me home at the end of a late evening but me wanting to stay wherever we are for “1 last drink” turned into us been in the car on our way home by 9:30. I am sat here completely sober at 10:30pm on a Saturday night in my PJ’s watching trashy TV I cant quite believe it myself!

I am definately starting to recognise that actually I am not really enjoying my drinking sessions as much as I used to, I cant put into words exactly what it is that feels different all I do know is that I feel differently – it seems I am no longer as much in need of the mask that is alcohol – I was quite happy to sit tonight and listen to everyone else and their stories and just enjoy the company and not feel like I had to try quite so hard to be “centre of attention” and that actually that was OK for me to do that.

I am still sticking to my managing the drinking plan – during this week I have been very very good and didn’t have anything to drink at all from Sunday through to Thursday and although we drank yesterday it was nice to feel like we had earn’t it and it was more of a treat. I am going to try and keep going through this next week and hopefully it will be even easier going forward as it becomes much less of a habit.

Tuesday December 20 2011–

Just as I start to think things are improving – how wrong could I be! My 2 boys are with me at the moment until just before the New Year. I went through a very acrimonious separation from my ex husband 10 years ago and to cut a very long story short the children ended up with him and I was and still am very sad about this whole set up. I see them fortnightly and over holidays they are generally with my and my now hubby a larger proportion of the time.

I have been having a few (to say the least) issues with my eldest son (14) at school and because there is this whole back story going on with his dad and I, it feels whatever I say is ignored and not much attention is paid when I think said son should be reprimanded or punished for his somewhat inappropriate behavior in school and it home. It transpired yesterday that after several weeks of him telling us he has been an exemplarary student and not getting any detentions etc and this in turn meaning we (Dad, Step Dad, Grandma and I) all rewarding hime with various treats for turning things around and towing the line that he hasn’t actually been doing that at all, he had 2 planners and was getting all the negative comments in one and then showing us the other one thus avoiding any detentions at school or conversations with us.

I am so disappointed that he feels he has to resort to such tactics and this obviously sparked another run in between my Ex and I. This whole situation makes me feel so powerless (not brilliant for a control freak!) and as ever the first thing that is always thrown my way by the Ex is that I moved so far away, he immediately pushes all my buttons and then I feel guilt and sadness and shame, the worrying thing was however that when I tried talking to my son – this was the first time he also used the “well you moved away” line it seems that as I have always worried both my children would eventually be groomed by my Ex into resenting me (always hearing his version of events) this is now becoming the case, My son said he doesn’t want to do the travelling anymore (I live about 3 hours away from my Ex) he is sick of it after all these years. To be honest I am distraught at the this – It seems that no matter what I do it will never be good enough or outweight the fact that years ago I felt I had no choice but to move away from the whole situation, I never left my children and have struggled to maintain a strong level of contact with them through all this time.

The really wierd thing is however that only yesterday morning in my session with John was I saying that after all my times with him the one thing I felt had actually really changed was that my belief I was a rubbish mother had changed and I knew I had always done my best for my kids no matter what the logistics or circumstance was. I was actually feeling like it was improving – then this happened the same day and I’m straight back to being this failure of a mother who’s kids will never really love her because she moved away. This guilt is crushing I’ve been awake all night feeling unable to breathe, anxious, upset, worthless and to top it off my immediate go to support is the gin so now I can add failure to my list of shortcomings.

As much as I want /need to change I’m not sure its even worth bothering when I will never be able to resolve an unresolvable situation with my kids, I cannot change how things are and have been and as much as I want to be OK with knowing I have tried my best to make a silk purse out of a sows ear I am unable to be truly at peace with it when at every turn my Ex (now my son) make me feel like a monster.

Protected: mijenou

John — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 20:44:49 +0000

Claire’s Blog 4 – Becoming a Therapist

John — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:25:24 +0000

You can read my initial blog about Learning how to handle stress and alcohol here

You can read my second blog about “Being not Doing” here

You can read my third blog about “Becoming my authentic self” here

My New Goals Are:

To live in the Present and the Now.

To listen and hear.

To trust myself completely.

Tuesday November 08th 2011 – I had a wow moment today. A really powerful breakthrough. I became aware very early on after meeting John that things had taken on a different form. The grey of the tarmac on the road became beautiful, roads were always ‘leading’ somewhere and so on and I became fascinated with the fact that I could tune in to music and colours and emotions if I concentrated and they became intense. It was as if I had been listening to the radio all these years on MW and suddenly found the same channel on a digital station. And I have been tuning into everything and anything since then and enjoying the clarity of sound / colour / emotion / taste / smell to a level I had never experienced. And all achieved personally – by me. By just concentrating and being with them for a while internally. I wrote many many times about Being and I Am. And John said very early on that it was important to ‘live’ therapy. And this all fitted into where I was at the time. I Am and Being felt completely right and powerful and deep on so many levels and it inspired me to look for more of the same which John has given me over the last year.

So – today – we had an amazing session and after a searching conversation guided by John the light finally dawned. The I Am and the Being that I have been enjoying for so long is actually bigger than I had ever realised and it took today and the book John gave me recently ( The Power of Now ) to show me what that Being and I Am is – I was actually experiencing The Now. I can access it so easily and the power of it is breath taking. Spiritual and Profound to the point of uncontrollable tears and emotion it’s so powerful. John gave me a stone from his holidays and it has been a very important piece in a jigsaw – a profound change, I felt it immediately. I’m not into crystals giving off energy and having powers however I very much like ancient things. And perhaps the power is not so much that it comes ‘magically ‘ from an object but rather that the way I respond to the ‘thing’ is powerful within me. So , with regards to John’s stone which he told me came from the Toltec Temple he visited recently, rather than it having an effect on me which would be an external and dependant influence, the influence was rather allowed from within myself. The first book John loaned me was The Four Agreements which blew me away. Its written by Dom Migual Ruiz who can trace his ancestry back to the Toltec’s and I allowed it to catch my attention immediately. So the connection and the power of the stone John has given me has come infact from a power growing within myself. And that is why it is so strong. I have this emotional and over powering sometimes connection with my inner and authentic Self and when John asked me yesterday where I was with God right now my answer was that I have found what I thought was God in myself. That’s not to say I think I am God in the traditional sense but rather when I was searching for God and communicating with him everyday and that is what God was for me at the time. However I have found a deeper meaning. I have found Life in its purest form. And if I believe Life is pure and an essence and an energy and from the way it feels right now inside me its pretty powerful strong stuff then it makes accepting life ( in any form – animal / plant / human etc ) as precious. And that’s got to be a good thing for the collective consciousness. Good for the world. John suggested that its ok to put up boundaries if the external world tries to conflict with my internal world and that’s good advice – there’s nothing wrong with that at all and its healthy. Care but don’t care…..accept but don’t take on the baggage.

It has been an amazing day. When you find The Now everything changes forever and the stone has been an important bridge for me today………… I think I have been knowing this was coming for a while but just not knowing how to make the next leap…..or rather ‘ step’ since leap feels a bit over energetic. And I am working towards a calmer self. So a step is fine today…………….

Wednesday 9th November – I have enjoyed another day very much basking in yesterdays ‘ profundity.’ John’s stone is green – stained glass deep emerald green and I have felt that wonderful feeling I get when I look at old Church / Chapel stained glass all day and the smells of ancient Churches. John took me to ( in hypnosis ) a Chapel in a clearing once ages ago and inside which were seats and pews made from ‘found’ things and an altar also made from found things – driftwood and the like. Old rolled glass like the type you find on a beach as a child and keep in a pot at home. It was a good session and a deep one and its been with me all day – our Father Who Art in my Heart…… It’s been a deep day.

Thursday 10th November – another day of thinking and being with my Self. John often says that people can be like a see saw in their emotions in that extreme emotions can sit at either end of the see saw and rock the middle ( the person – the host ) vigorously causing obvious unrest. If the conflicts can be softened and moved together then the host suffers less. Thats not to say that the emotions are binned or cast off, more that they are accepted, understood and updated. When I met him I was at either end of the see saw and in a bizarre way quite happy and confident with myself however on meeting him it soon became obvious ( gently as always ) that all was not as healthy as it could be inside. There were conflicts raging. I’m calmer now – my focus is now certainly inwards and I am also beginning to tame ( well at least see ) the whirl wind of activity that whisks up when I get over excited about a project / thing / experience and so on. I’m calm on the outside and I’m getting calmer on the inside. I guess this is my new goal – becoming honestly calm on the inside. I’m going to enjoy searching around and hunting out the nooks and crannies where the whirl wind is having its fun. This is wonderful and exciting – see, there is goes !……………..a mini whirl wind.

Friday 11th November – I had a lovely day today – someone mentioned a while ago that in certain circles 11.11.11 was going to be a day when the spiritual balance of the world was going to start tipping in the right direction and anyone of that ‘ ilk’ should open up on the day and take it as a start to a new world. I’m not into this sort of stuff really however it certainly wouldn’t do any harm to have a go especially as I have been feeling for several months now that a new ‘ dawn’ was about to rise on my journey. So I sat in my therapy room with John’s stone in my hand for a while and rested – I found the Now easily and intense Presense. I found myself drawn to pressing the stone flat to the centre of my forehead and getting intense and powerful ‘ nothingness ‘ – a great calm. It all got a bit ‘ way out there ‘ as John says. Like a science fiction movie. I like the Now – its a good place to be. And the world stops for a while. And lots of Now moments in the day slow the day right down to a pace where everything can be appreciated and been ‘ with.’ So that nothing is missed. I see so much more now. Colours, light, textures, smell and tastes. I often feel like I used to see the world in black and white until I met John without realising it and now it’s in colour. It has been a strong week. Life is no longer a race to the end of each day…….Life is incredibly precious and a gift, a gift that will be returned at some point and then the dynamic will change again. And John has given me peace with that and I have no Fear. And once Fear is rid of its power everything changes. Everything has changed forever.

Saturday 12th November – my Birthday and I spent a perfect afternoon at a childrens party with my boy and his various class friends and parents etc. The family are African and I adore African people. I had never really met any African people until about 10 years ago and then I met them on mass because I became involved in putting on African music events at my hubby’s music venue. What started out as a simple music concert booked by a charismatic African promoter instanly became a passion and all absorbing interest and love afair with African music and people ( no surprise there – given my personality type ). So today was a Real childrens party – twice as long as any other party and the food was incredible. I never eat at childrens parties and I have not eaten rice for a year. Today I ate everything and anything. The food was so tasty and home cooked and African (!?). And the music was traditional and the mums and dads and Grans and Aunty’s and extended family some in national dress was great. I did not want to leave – everyone was so warm and friendly and open and everyone helped and got involved in games and dancing and so on. There was a prayer at the beginning which was a really lovely touch – it was a great party full of people very at home with themselves. So we eventually left and I am now having a lovely family evening. i’m pleased to say I appear to be the easiest person to buy for now – lots of books from my book list and book tokens and some very well chosen cards, lovely pictures of trees and waterfalls and lanes and paths which I shall keep. How far I have come in 18months. I’m really at home. I’m safe and I am calm and very very present. Its a great journey and just when I think I am ‘ there’ John opens a new chapter. Perfect……..

Monday 14th November – quickie as I’m going out to have my hair done. I am beginning to trust myself – I began to flow today and feel my own style. And trust that there is always enough material to work with if I ‘ listen to the client.’ Quite and eye opener since I endeavour to listen at all costs. If I listen just a little bit more the content of the session comes from them – not what I have decided they need to do that day. I ditched an entire section today becasue something else client led came up that was far more important. Quite a learning experience. John tomorrow – ofcourse he has been saying this for weeks !! John tomorrow – thank goodness

Tuesday 15th November – Amusing session with John today. His ideas are endless and today was no exception. His ideas are often exceptionally simple and pure – no room for misunderstanding and yet plenty of room for personal interpretation. He’s clever. So I managed to come away with one of his new ‘ toys’ today which has been food for thought. We decided it was called ‘ me me ‘ since there was a part in me over a year ago that demanded attention all the time and I remember the session – very early on with John – where we identified it and started to look closely at its needs and demands. It is still there today – not so dominant and much more understood however I have to be very alert to it as it sneaks up on me wearing different guises and masks quite effectively sometimes. And it is part of a drive in me that is seductive – I get drawn into it because of how I think it makes me feel only to find out time and time again that when it gets out of control it does not make me feel good at all. Quite the opposite. I often open my big mouth in what I think to be excitement only to hear what spills out of my mouth and regret it immediately. By which time the damage is done. I am learning to sit back – to listen – to let others be first. Its hard sometimes because I get over excited in certain circumstances and my intentions are good however my intentions are focussed on me and how I think I am feeling at the time. It’s a selfish drive which gets masked by my saboteur who tells me I feel great / I’m driven / I’m excited / I want to tell everyone how I’m feeling and what I know and share my excitement and enthusiasm with them. Then I get all carried away with myself and suddenly become aware that I’ve ‘ lost my audience.’ Which deflates me badly. Well it used to anyway. And where is my ‘friend’ the Saboteur then …? So now I’m calmer and less ‘ in your face’ and happy to enjoy my own enthusiasm ‘on the inside.’ Well……….most of the time anyway. Its still quite an conscious process. I arrived at John’s this morning after a meeting buzzing and a tad over enthusiastic so ( as with John and never one to miss an opportunity ) a good conversation followed. I love his challenges – and on occasion given I know him well now, he can be very direct ( and rude in a fun way ).

Friday 18th November – I am verging on being overcome – well, I guess in the interest of living in a calmer way I can say ‘ I am enjoying something washing over me, in me and around me ‘ right now ( now being highly relevant ). John’s book – The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is powerful stuff and is having an effect on my life in every moment. John shared a wonderful clip of Eckhart Tolle which deepened my awareness and appreciation and at the side of the clip were some more. I clicked on the one about ‘ the moment that you die’ in which he was answering a question from someone about what happens the moment you die. The man had recently seen his friend die of a gun shot wound. There was absolute silence as everyone waited for Eckhart’s response and he did something John does all the time. He paused and thought and then thought some more and when he was ready – in his own time – he shared his considered thoughts. He said many things and I took a few notes to write tonight :

‘ nothing real is threatened….nothing unreal exists….Form merely dissolves or to rather it seeks another Form…some other identification….you are formless consciousness therefore nothing dies….our realm of Form is illusory…….death is a change of Form…..All is well beneath Form………. ’

wow……………..I watched it several times throughout the day.

Saturday 19th November – I have been thoughtful all day which I spent with my boy at his school fayre which was lovely. And tonight as he was happily playing in the bath I found myself thinking again. I sat my hubby down last night and played him Eckhart Tolle’s words on the moment of death – it only lasts ten minutes however as it played I became aware that as engrossed as I was with Tolle’s words and moved and drawn in, my hubby was less than interested. At the end he said he did not have a clue what Tolle was talking about and did not understand anything of what he had just heard. He summarised that when you die that’s it, but if my faith is different then he respects me and that’s fine. I spent the day pondering Spirituality with a capital S v spirituality with a small s and whether there was a difference at all / traditional perceptions and so on. I had a very good and interesting debate with myself ! It took me back to Eng lit classes at school which I loved. Picking apart something to decipher meaning and opinions and points of view and so on. So I came to one conclusion that Religion in its traditional form has given spirituality no chance at all since it creates a block in people’s minds. So I came to thinking about beliefs and values and how challenging it can be to change them even if an individual really wants to since that individual then has to function in an outside world that may challenge their new belief system and make them feel threatened. Change is bigger than the individual …it has an effect. I remember John very very early on in our sessions when I was completely over excited and reading everything he gave me with great speed suggesting I ‘ live my new beliefs and values for a bit, to slow down…’ which I took little notice of as I was really enjoying the personal ride inside myself. However I have grown to see what he means. He said ‘ live the change you want to see in the world.’ How profound is that. So I found myself thinking about the true committment of change for the individual and how it may be relatively easy to change personally however to then live it with the outside world commenting and watching adds another dimension. Then tonight John sent me a link to as clip which linked so well into my thoughts for today. Third one down on his fav clips on his site if anyone reads this and is interested. Its only 5 mins – take the time and it will give you food for thought. I’m growing a lot at the moment – its a great great ride……….

Sunday 20th November – So now my mind and body is full of many of the realisations I have had / am having and I am tempted to say ‘ bowled over by’ in it. However I’m reaching a more defined realisation and have been for some weeks – the language I have used both literally and also verbally and mentally in the past has contained extremes and plenty of superlatives. Amazing / Fantastic / brilliant / incredible / powerful and so on – and there have been certainly in the not too distant past plenty of words at the other end of the scale. I find myself thinking about John’s see saw analogy and my language has been at both ends – nothing too close to middle of the road. So now whenever I hear myself use an extreme I catch it and ‘see’ it. And I’m modifying my language now as a nod to calmness and inner peace. Its not that I am giving up the extremes, rather tempering them down and softening them. The power and feelings and sensations they evoke are still there but somehow less urgent. Less demanding. Less ‘ me me .’ Less conflict – inevitably. It’s a conscious move in the direction I want to go ( rather Am Going ). Talking of direction – I bumped into John today outside Tesco which is always a bizarre – and pleasant – experience. Seeing a favourite teacher out of school sort of effect. I manage to talk rubbish and kick myself afterwards. Like he cares……… Anyway, todays mumble centered around me saying ‘ I feel lost right now.’ Which of course is complete and utter rot. I do not feel lost at all. I feel different but I do not feel lost. It set my mind thinking that lost gives the impression you are looking / searching for something ( an active process ) and given that I am enjoying living as much in the Now as I can, searching for something ( ie being lost ) is very far away from where I am or want to be. I asked myself if maybe I am looking for something – and decided that too is far to active and anyway I’ve found it. So – maybe – I’m not lost but rather ‘ found.’ I like the stillness of ‘ found.’ I like the word and I like what it personifies to me. It feels safe and still and not waiting for anything. It feels like home. Certainly it is in the I Am and Being category. That made me also consider the words feel and look. Since I am a visual person – everything in pictures and film. However looking or being visual has very much in the last few weeks changed to ‘feeling’ this and ‘ feeling ‘ that. I never caught myself ‘feeling like ‘ this – everything ‘ looked like this / would turn out like that.’ I like ‘feeling’ more than ‘looking.’ Looking has movement whereas feeling is still. Its been a thoughtful day. Not Lost – certainly found………….. I see why John goes to Mexico. I’d enjoy sitting and talking about this stuff for a while with like minded people – or even simply to listen to their stories. Certainly Found…………….

Monday 21st November – John tomorrow – despite all my best attempts at being calm about it, I can’t wait. I have so much to ask / discuss / tell / share and so on. And I’m looking forward to the Being part ……its always the best. To Stop and Be. Perfect.

Friday 25th November – I have spent the last few days pondering ‘ nothing.’ John said ‘ look at nothing and tell me what you see.’……..and since then I have been preoccupied with it. I have no time to divulge thoughts tonight and I’m on my course tomorrow- so excited as always. More soon.

Sunday 27th November – I may not have written much ove the last few days however my mind – oops – ‘ I ‘ have been very Present with a lot of things. John’s ‘ concentrate on nothing ‘ has been fascinating and I found myself having another wow moment similar to the one where I read Jill Bolte Taylor’s comment that responsibility should be written respnose-ability. It blew me away at the time and is one of the foundations of where I am today. So in pondering ‘ nothing ‘ I was reading ( Tolle, ofcourse ) and guess what there was an entire section on Nothing and the profound ‘wow’ moment was when he states that ‘ nothing ‘ is actually ‘ no-thing.’ It filled my head with light and awareness and realisation. We put labels on things so that we can ‘ control’ them – to give them identification. And there is no such things as nothing – there may be something there that we cannot label but the second we try and label it it becomes something. We try and ‘ humanise it.’ And at that second it loses its presence. As John says words are just symbols and I feel very warned and yet completely enlightened by that comment. The label can do damage since it creates form and identification and so on. So ‘ no-thing’ just blew me away. And the whole ‘ nothing that is real can be threatened’ has been with me too. The ego creates things. And we get carried away with ‘ things that define us’ as opposed to who we really are. The ‘ I’ and the ‘ Being.’ The essence. The part we are when form dissolves and changes. Its great stuff. Humbling. And I’ve been on my course all weekend – so its been a great few days. We even ended up talking about how people connect Religion to spirituality as though the two are inextricably linked. And about Truth in the sense of congruence rather than truth and lies. I could go on all night……………………..

Wednesday 30th November – I saw John yesterday and it was a perfect session as always. But I was a bit out of sorts. I said to John my bio rythums were out which I said a bit tongue in cheek because its not something I have focussed on or even know if I believe etc – the verdict is out. However I was ‘ off kilter.’ The peace in his room is sometimes bigger than the space and for a while we just sat……….in the peace…….listening to the music. It was good to stop and Be. To rest……..and to more importantly rest myself from myself. There is still a whirlwind inside me that part of me thoroughly enjoys – its exciting and exhilarating and fun and wild and ( attention seeking ! ) gets completely focussed, its a feeling , a drive I connect with. Then John says things like ‘ yes, and its Needy’ which ofcourse it is. He’s clever. And then there’s a part that is very much enjoying evening out the extremes I have allowed myself and bringing the ends of the see saw closer together so that the ‘ups and downs’ are less. The conflict is less. The energy required is less. No less a person, just calmer. I also had make up on today as I’d been to a meeting and it took me right back to the early days when I first met John and would never have ventured out without make-up. Of course – its a mask. And I will always remember when he suggested I come to a session without it. There were a few revelations over that week or so. So being a bit ‘ off ‘ yesterday and wearing make-up made it a bit more difficult to find peace…..to re-set. We did ofcourse – he’s perceptive. And the journey to feeling better was as always conscious and careful and spot on. My thoughts have been focussed on ‘control’ since then and ‘letting go.’ Freeing myself from myself. I had a dream within a dream last night ( I have that style of dream often ) and I knew in the dream that I was dreaming and so controlled the dream. Which I enjoy as a process – I’ve been able to do it for years. Since Yoga and meditation at University. However I realised for the first time that the issue was again control - enjoying the control of knowing I was controlling the dream. Fascinating.

Friday December 2nd – I had an entire therapy conversation in my head with myself today – it happens often. In fact talking to myself and using the many tools John has given me has been and continues to be a very conscious part of my growth. I love the mental activity and the choices that the tools make available. There is a saying that the person who has the most choice / flexibility wins the argument ( or lives the healthiest – something like that ) and being able to see options now when peviously everything was a bit narrower in my life is good – and a much calmer place to be. Anyway – despite all these assertions of new thinking I never cease to amaze myself with old beliefs / strategies that creep in sometimes ( often ) much of the time to John’s amusement at my expense ! I had left a return message for a client today and just for a split second I found myself looking at my diary and deciding when it would be best for me to see them. I smiled at myself. How could I possibly know when the best time to see them would be ???? given I have never met them and am merely returning a call. So the whole ‘ control’ thing that I was thinking about earlier in the week sprung to mind. And yes – my knee jerk reaction to anything is control – its a natural state / a belief that has developed over the years. So – I smiled at myself and when they called back heard myself asking ‘ when would it be a good time for you to come and see me – when do you want to make this change ?’ and the conversation flowed from there. Interesting as always.

Monday 5th December – My boy is getting so excited about Christmas and its lovely to see. We decorated the house on Sunday which meant bringing out all the boxes that had been packed away last year and opening them to reveal some tastless musical dancing Christmas trees / Snowmen – you name it, my mum and dad bought it last year. However ( BIG however ) they are great fun and my boy absolutely loves them. A big achievement for me was to let him help with the decorations. I have been known in the past to be a tad particular as to how and what goes up and where to the point where its best no one is in the house at the time. The entire process is usually accompanied by at least one bottle of champagne and the event finished by lighting the fire. This year – and I seem to remember last year – was so different. I spent the entire time with my boy – him choosing what and where he wanted things ( well almost – there was a gentle bit of manipulation going on, I’m not going to kid myself totally ). And at one point he insisted on placing rather large blobs of angel snow / fluffy stuff on the tree and I could feel my tension rising. I nipped my tension in the bud straight away – smiled at myself and we now have some large blobs of snow on the tree that my boy likes and are a good reminder to me as to what is important. And I have not been tempted to mess with it at all. And not a drop of alcohol. I love it when old beliefs / strategies sneak in again and I notice them. There then ensues an interesting internal dialogue in my mind which I listen in a dissociated way, like a bystander. It was never like this before John ‘ You are not the voices in your mind…………..’ What an eye opener that was. I now listen to them and smile and work out who is who and why they are saying what they are saying and its all fascinating. I’m also working on having a quiet mind. I love Andrea Bocceli and his voice is incredible. I caught the back end of a concert last night and closed my eyes and was totally ‘with’ the music. I had the strangest sensation of an energy force under one of my hands and under my chin. It was bizarre. And the force was green just like Johns Mexican Temple Stone. And warm and I was completely engrossed and having a real ‘ Being’ moment until hubby announced his complete lack of interest and Have I Got More who knows what ?!!! came back onto the tv. I buried my head in my book. He’s funny. Perhaps looking at me on the sofa with my eyes closed with one hand rolling round an energy ball and my chin elevated was all too much for him. I managed not to share the experience………..

Wednesday 7th December – Several things happened today which made me smile. We went to see our boys Nativity which was beautiful and I consciously decided not to take a camera ( or at least to only take pictures at the end ). I realised last year at a Roger Waters ( Pink Floyd ) show that ‘Being’ is a much more powerful way to enjoy something. I now know that Being was the beginning of what I now know as The Now / The Present.’ ( what a clumsy sentence – like I care ! ). And at the show I sat for a long while with my eyes completely closed Being with the moments as each passed. Prior to John I would have been desparately trying to see and hear and do everything and anything and worrying about what I was missing – only to clearly be missing everything by adopting this approach. The music filled my entire ‘ Being.’ For a while I was free from my ‘mind.’ So today was perfect – I made no attempt to take photos / film etc and instead totally enjoyed ‘ Being’ with my boys Nativity. I saw / heard / felt so much more. however I amused myself by contra-ing my new found ‘ Being-ness’ by the following : I had dropped my car off to the garage for its MOT and they had given me a rather small ( I have no idea what it was ) manual car in return. Which I add was bright red. It had tyres on it the size of bicycle tyres and I promise you the fuel guage never moved. When I drove into school to park I heard myself making excuses for the car and telling everyone it was not mine (!!!!). This in itself interested me as I thought I had moved on from all that. Clearly there is still a bit of me that is defined by my car. I could have forgiven myself the thought processes and used it as a learning experience however I then came out of the play to my car with one of the other parents and as I got to my car heard myself say ‘ its not my car……its a rental…..mines in for MOT .’ It all fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. I have been amusing myself greatly with this all day and hubby will never let me forget it.

John tomorrow – can’t wait. I so need to Stop and rest I have worked out that a great part of my time with John is freeing myself from myself. Its a combination of allowing myself / giving myself permission to rest / Stop and John saying ‘ Stop.’ No future , no past – just Now…………..

Thursday December 8th – I had an early start networking this morning and I decided last week to take a different approach to my one minute ‘ this is who I am / what I do ‘ moment of fame. Usually I spend almost the entire journey rehearsing the one minute which I enjoy – I like the one minute of speaking. However despite my confidence at standing up and talking infront of a group I have to admit that my heart generally misses a few beats / pounds faster directly before and after my turn. Which I know is not healthy. I understand completely the physiology of it – its the flight / fight response. So I found myself wondering if my rehearsal of my one minute, whilst I thought it helped and was necessary, may be actually compounding the problem in that I was rehearsing/ experiencing ’ mistakes ‘ and putting myself under pressure to remember the one minute exactly as I had rehearsed it in the car. I suspected this was true. And also John has been focussing for months on trusting myself . So for the last two weeks I have gone into various groups with a rough idea of what I want to say and nothing more. I allow myself one rehearsal in the car and thats it. And it really works. My heart no longer pounds and its been fascinating. And I’m not watching others intently until its my turn and rehearsing madly in advance of it – I sit and listen ( another factor to consider – given that me rehearsing my minute means I cannot give my attention to others ) now and stand when I’m ready. I breathe better and the entire thing is completely different. And its affecting the rest of my life too. I’m much happier going ‘ off-piste’ with hypnosis scripts than I ever was before. Before I wrote them so carefully and felt like I wanted to stick to them rigidly – however sometimes gut feeling tells me to move on or skip a bit or change tack completely and that has to be good for the client. So I went widely off piste today and it felt good. I felt more connected with the clients mood and trance level and when I wanted to divert back to a specific part of my script I just let the client rest whilst I calmly found my place again.

With that and a great session this morning with John – its been a good day.

A beautiful and elegant quote from The Power of Now which John gave me and is the most powerful book I have read so far and has greatly shifted my level of consciousness – In fact its the final few sentences :

Quote : Audience member : When will I know if I have surrendered ?

Eckhart Tolle : When you no longer ask the question…………………

The Power of Now

Saturday 10th December – I spent the day with my boy today and it started with a John moment. I had planned to go to the parade in Buckingham which I knew started at around 10.30pm however the day started late as we got up late ( which was lovely ) and from very early on I knew we would never make the parade. Its great to be able to change a plan with grace and ease – I would never have done it pre – John. We would have made the parade even if it meant rushing which usually meant stressing as well. Today we simply did not go to the parade and the world did not end. We instead enjoyed a lovely morning at home and then went into Buckingham for a wonder round as I needed some presents etc then we had a lovely time in the old gaol ‘ spotting stars ‘ which my boy was so excited about and then lunch and finally tesco. And ALL at a very easy pace and with no rush and barely a glance at my watch. Its so much more relaxing and pleasurable. And we came home to see the moon full and bright in the sky – its been good.

Sunday 11th December – We spent the day at my best friends today for a Christmas get together. Her boy and mine get on exceptionally well and the day was very easy indeed. Ofcourse it is easier because I no longer stress at this kind of thing. Pre-John lunch in a restaurant would have been frought with stress caused by me starting with getting out of the house on time then the entire restaurant experience. Now – who cares when we leave ( well its not quite that relaxed however its 85% up on how I used to be ). We get there when we get there and when we do I accept every moment for the moment it is. The Now. And its amazing how much I used to miss worrying about the next thing on the list that day. Its as though everything goes into slow motion. Its so much calmer and enjoyable. And when hubby started to comment on my driving – or rather how I should get past that stupid woman driver who should not be allowed on the road / that lorry who will def cause an accident at some point / and so on – I smiled and simply said that I was driving. I drive like this / you drive like that. Both are fine. He rolls his eyes a lot of the time as he hears himself talking to me and then invariably hears in his head what I will say. He actually stopped himself mid sentence on the way out today and said ‘ actually, I’m not going to finish the sentence because I know it will result in a therapy lecture ( interesting he used that term !! ).’ I smiled – again. He was not wrong. Although I am trying to resist the temptation to offer my ‘pearls of new found wisdom ‘ to him ( never to the Spouse, as John says ). A good day – a very Now day. A day for ‘topping up my battery with good stuff. ‘

Thursday 15th December – I know I have been using a mal adaptive coping strategy for the last month to varing degrees namely I have had at least a glass of wine every night. I go between completely hating myself to not caring at all which is not good at all. Two extreme ends of the ‘ see saw’ vying with eachother and me in the middle analysing the ‘sense’ of it – which in itself is exhausting and annoying since I’ve been much more in control and almost given up completely over the last eighteen months. So I came to the conclusion that the fight was less healthy than giving in for a bit. As John says – its nice. And perhaps the whole giving up completely thing – as John says – is too extreme. Anyway – I’m exhausted with just writing this and the mental processes that surround it. I’m not sure what the answer is – except that is not true actually becasue I did have a thought the other day that I only drink at home. And only between 7.30 and 9pm. I never drink at any other time and never when we are out. So maybe its like ‘ secret drinking’ although hubby knows ofcourse as he joins me. I think that’s it………. alhtough where that leaves me I haven’t got the energy to consider tonight. We’re out which is a rare treat together tonight and my boy is home alone with a sitter, so I will not drink tonight. I’m hoping that kick starts another bout of not drinking. Interesting that I spent the entire blog talking about it.

Apart from that – I am trusting myself so much more. My sessions are much more ‘ off piste ‘ and I love the mental challenges. The active thinking and processing – everyone is different and has different questions and its great. To be able to trust myself to answer in an appropriate way and to always do my best, never make assumptions, never take anything anyone says personally and be integrous with the Word………what perfect foundations and a great way to live……

December 22nd – we have been very busy and it has been so good to be able to enjoy the business. To be as much as possible with everything we have been doing and to not care if stuff gets bumped to the next day. its a great way to be and even when things have got a biry ‘ hairy’ I am able to talk myself round to calmness again using my ‘ John’ toolbox. One thing that has been wonderful has been that I took my 4 year old boy skating in MK which never sounded like a good idea at the time however when the invite came my mouth said yes as my brain was making up an excuse. So we went. And to be honest I was a bit apprehensive becasue I have not skated since I was 18 but I reassured myself that firstly I cared nothing at all if I fell over and made an ass of myself and secondly I have skied quite a lot and am not bad. It was fascinating to apply my new skills to this situation. I decided to relax into it and be totally present with the skating becasue I know if you sky all ‘ tight’ you fall and even if you don’t fall you certainly do not glide ! I did not let any negative thoughts come into my mind and I visualised myself skating with ease and confidence. Moreover I TRUSTED myself ( common theme over the last few months ) to skate. Which I did. There were a few ‘learning’ minutes then it was great. We really enjoyed it and trusting myself and relaxing into it and believing I could skate all worked. My boy sat on an orange seal thing whilst I pushed him ( he’s too young to manage skates eventhough he wore them ) and we had a lovely lovely time. Trust. Visualise. Be. All good………..oh and, remember ‘ what you think will happen usually does ‘ So……..believe you can skate and you can. I love this therapy stuff. Merry Christmas

Friday 23rd December – I have had such a lovely day and at several points found myself slightly surprised at the calmness in the house. However it is no surprise at all. The calmness is due to 18 months of therapy and growth and today was a perfect day. We had people popping in and out all day some staying and some heading on quickly to the next house – I had several moments of calm with people ( all who were having a hectic day ) over a cup of tea and a biscuit. Its amazing – no its not – how a simple 20minute ‘ Stop and rest over a cup of tea ‘ can feel like an entire afternoon if you enjoy the absolute Presentness of every moment. Each of the moments made the day stretch longer and fuller. My boy is singing Christmas songs to himself at the moment in bed. Lovely. And I had cut myself up a melon this morning and put it in the fridge to eat and snack on so as to avoid too many biscuits. At one point early on I dropped a big piece on the floorand heard myself saying ‘ if you had been Present you would not have dropped it.’ I smiled such a great smile. Eckhart Tolle’s book / Spirituality / point of view has had such a profound and life changing effect on me ( thankyou John ). So after this little ‘ Present’ reminder I spent a much more Present day. ‘ Nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists………………Herein lies the peace of God ( page 115 The Power of Now ).’ What a Belief to take into Christmas and the rest of my life…………………

nothing Real can be threatened.

If my hubby has not bought me A Course in Miracles I shall show him how real a bop on the nose is ! Merry Christmas, again

Wednesday 28th December – I am very pleased to say that hubby did buy me my book. It is wonderful – simply holding it is ‘still-ing.’ Its a peaceful book to be near and the texture of the paper used for the pages is biblical. I am looking forward to ‘being’ with it. We had a lovely few days and many things have happened – too many to mention. I was aware so much of listening as opposed to talking and the response that I got – my mum talked and said some personal stuff which I really enjoyed being part of / listening to and I had some very good quiet moments with my dad. At one point I was in the car with him on my own and we simply drove and there was no need to talk – it was very good not to need to talk. Or to ‘ talk at ‘ someone for the sake of filling a silence. I embrace silence now. One thing I wanted to share was that my mum and dad bought a brilliant castle for my boy which came flat packed. It took my sister and hubby and dad several hours to build it and I was fascinated by their individual approaches. My dad got out the instructions / my sister and my hubby just started building ‘ on instinct.’ Both strategies achieved success and all three people worked wonderfully together despite the differing approaches. My hubby is a very good self taught guitarist and golfer – no wonder he did not use the instructions – and my dad is a retired GP who enjoys building and creating stuff eg. conservatories / letters boxes for the end of the drive which have a mechanism for opening and closing, an old chimney pot which I bought him for the garden which he promptly put a mechanism in so that when you wind it a chimney sweep brush ( which I also bought him ) pops up. He drew the mechanisms first then made them. I spent a very enjoyable time watching them all building the castle in their own way / using their individual strategies ( reflected in the way they generally approach stuff ) all to culminate in a great group achievement – The Castle. So I guess Christmas had been about listening and enjoying what people say and how they say it and watching how people do stuff ( and thinking about why they do it that way ) and about interactions between people. Christmas is good for that. The most important thing for me has been to listen…and when I am totally sure that someone has finished to then respond. And not all about ‘ me.’ I’ve grown and I’m very happy to be where I am.

I guess John may say that all this must have taken a lot of mental energy on my part – which is true. I am working towards being more Present and I had a multitude of Present moments which remind me of where I am. And keep me in the ‘I Am’ place which has to be a very good and healthy and trusting ( of myself ) place to be.

Friday 30th December – I went to Asda today in Milton Keynes which is an enormous store. I have been there very rarely as I have in the past found such large stores uncomfortable. They are too big for a start which gives me an almost agrophobic feeling of vastness, there are too many people in them all walking all over the place sometimes quite vaguely and the shopping process takes too long ( just to mention a few of the things I dislike). also I have been in the past and still am to a certain extent – although a far more dissociated position / view point has helped me greatly – a creature of habit so I prefer the experience of shopping in my usual smaller tesco where I know where everything is, its a manageable size and there are less people. However today was a very interesting experience. I felt completely fine in the store and the shopping experience was actually fine. I may even add ‘pleasurable’ since I was fascinated the entire time with how I was ‘coping’ in the store and the differences between ‘now and then.’ I managed the entire thing very well indeed and relaxed into it. I was Present with the shopping process. No-one or nothing bothered me and at times I was aware that I was walking round with a smile on my face. I felt as if I was in my own world doing exactly as I pleased and thankfully the ‘ I’m better than you / judgemental voice’ that was so prevalent ( in a fearful and disguised way ) for so long is long since shut up. People are people and thats fine. The voice creeps in every now and again and I hear it and smile and ‘tell it off.’ That’s an out of date voice for sure. What is amusing ofcourse is listening to my hubby commenting on people / displays / queues etc and seeing him then notice that I’m listening to him and smiling – usually followed by a comment from him that ‘ I know what you are thinking’ or rather ‘ Please do not tell me what you are thinking.’ I have to bite my lip sometimes – and sometimes I don’t and he gets an entire discourse. So it was another good day. The Asda experience. Also hubby had a ruck with a manager when trying to return a dvd player at Maplins – hubby was amusing in that he told me the entire story of what had happened and that the manager was a tit etc and that the manager was clearly up for a ruck ( whilst increasing his tone and attitude to show me how he dealt with the guy ). I’d have loved to have been there to watch Watching and Listening……great. Being…even better.

Saturday 31st December – I have been meaning to write about one of the most powerful things that John has taught me for a week now and keep forgetting. We once had a long conversation about the stress response and he added at the end that if anyone simply sits in a chair and ‘sags’ and truely sags as opposed to just sitting down then the body has no choice than to relax. And – of course as with many things he says – he is absolutely correct. If you sit down deep into a chair and then sag every part of your body in turn it is quite amazing how much more relaxed you are at the end of ‘ going round your body sagging each part’ than when you initially sat down and thought yourself ‘ sagged.’ To feel your shoulders / fingers / face / bum (!) actually relax each muscle is a bit of an eye opener as we get so used to thinking we are relaxed because we have become accustomed to a certain state. We have accepted a certain state as relaxed when infact it is often far from it. He also loaned me a great book called Effortless Living and when I read it certain things really resonated and were true – like when you are sitting at traffic lights loosening your hands on the wheel or even better taking them off the wheel and placing them on your knees. And not chasing the amber light as soon as it changes – better to wait until the green light shows and move off in your own good time ( and sod the people raging behind you ). And stuff like holding a pencil or pen more gently ( rather than the usual urgent grip ) and relaxing your bum muscles ( try it – bet your bum is more tense than you ever realised most of the time ). So – to Sag has been profound for me. I find myself sitting down and sagging quite often just for a minute of so and it feels like I have been on holiday. It is a re-boot to my system. And even when I am walking I hear mysef say ‘ sag’ and I immediately ease back on the pace / relax my shoulders / look at the view and so on. I get to where I am going just as quickly and a lot more pleasurably. Its a great word and a great thing to practise – it has been so good for me. It recharges my inner battery several times a day and sometimes I drop like a stone into a few minute hypnotic state. Which is great. It also gives my body time to stop and ease back from emotional response – for the chemicals to disapate – and for better desicions to be made.

Thats’ another things John has given me – the ability to realise that I did a lot on impulse before. Now if I suspect it is an impulse desicion I walk away and come back to it when the heat has gone out of the impulse. Its much better for me. But I have to keep an eye on this one because I still get impulsive quite a lot. And I enjoy it. So its a sneaky one that I am very aware of. Its been an eventful year and I feel I have grown a lot. I’m in a good place. Happy New Year and Thankyou John.

Sunday 1st January 2012 – A New Year. Its quite a bizarre feeling hanging new calendars and re setting my date blocks that I have in my kitchen. I have been much more relaxed this year on the run up to and over Christmas and I feel over the last two weeks especially it has been as if I was on holiday. Initally I thought it was because for the first time in 4 years my boy finished school early ( as opposed to attending nursery which closed on Christmas Eve for the last few years ). But then I realised that it is much more likely that my new way of living is allowing me to enjoy moments so much more and making time last longer. We all went out as a family today for a walk and it was perfect – no hurry and plenty of time to stop and enjoy anything and everything. A lovely day and a good start to the year.

Monday 2nd January – We had a wonderful family day today as we met friends in London and had a nosey round their new home which is magnificent. We then went for a very good lunch and as we sat down my hubby asked if I minded driving us home as he wanted to have a drink with lunch. I immediately and without throught said yes since I do not drink at lunch times ever – well not for over a year anyway – so it was certainly not a problem. We then had a lovely and fun lunch and time with our friends who are amusing and excellent company. It was only when my hubby said it was ok, he would drvie back as he had only had a small glass of wine at the beginning of the meal that I realised how easily I had said ‘ yes ‘ to driving back home. In the past have have been very uncomfortable driving in London mainly because I have no idea where I am going and secondly because hubby gets a tad frustrated by the way I drive in London. He is a very aggressive driver in London whereas I take my time, make sure I am confident to take advantage of gaps before taking the, thank people for letting me in ( !! its a northern thing ) etc etc. Me driving home from London works best when hubby is asleep next to me and I have the sat nav on. Daylight in the middle of the afternoon with a very alert and conscious and vocal hubby is a different thing all together. However today I had simply said yes and carried on chatting. I guess its all about the fact that I am Trusting myself more and more. Trust is a theme running through the work I am doing at the moment and a theme of my thoughts about myself. I was fascinated to see that I had automatically said yes and automatically trusted myself. It was a good feeling and a result of a lot of hard work and thought over the last few months.

Wednesday 4th January – I spent a wonderful day in my office catching up on paperwork as it was my boys first day back at school. I had a lot to do and my approach is so different now. Historically I would have not looked forward to it at all as there would be piles of papers and correspondences and I would have felt stressed all day by the perceived magnitude of the work. Now its completely different – and automatic. I trust myself to do as much as I can and that the rest will get done over the next few days. The world will not stop turning if I do not respond to a letter or query today. So far from having a stressful day I had a very good day indeed with myself in my office enjoying the process of ticking things off the ‘to do ‘ list. And I shall enjoy doing the same tomorrow. I have allocated a few days to catch up and make plans and am enjoying the time to myself. It is very peaceful indeed ‘ with myself’ especially as I no longer put myself under pressure. I did bump into a client today who said some very nice things to me – in fact she gushed nice things to me. She looked great. It was a very good end to a very good day. I’m up early tomorrow networking which I shall enjoy and I am maintaining my trust in myself theme : thus I know roughly what I shall say in the morning and trust myself to say it. Rather than rehearsing it all the way to the meeting. It is so much more relaxing and I noticed immediately that if I trust myself to say what I want to say and avoid the ‘rehearsals’ it allows ( or rather ‘ I’ allow ) myself to listen to what other people are saying. Which has to be a good thing.

And……I did start the day by tweeking my website a bit which was not really ( at all ) on my today to do list. I thoroughly enjoyed that and had to drag myself off it. I love this stuff and I love working with people. John said very early on that it is important to ‘ live the therapy.’ He is right. I live it every minute of my life. I ‘ practice what I preach’ as they say. And I look closely at and watch myself by choice and with pleasure – life is fascinating.

Thursday 5th January – TFTD : ’ Causation is Force, Creation is Power.’ I spent an hour today filing in my office and listening to David R. Hawkins who is incredible. John passed the recordings to me some time ago and I have not had the energy or time in the day to listen to them. I tried listening to them at night but fell asleep and anyway I listen to John at night to better effect. These recordings are so good and it was very hard indeed not to stop and just sit and listen. However the up side of not stopping to sit and listen is that had I done that I would have been unable to resist taking frantic notes. Which would have defeated the object and anyway I am working more towards trusting myself to listen and remember….taking frantic notes inevitably means something will get missed. So I filed and listened and there were many wow moments. Powerful stuff and certainly where my thoughts are at the moment. John tomorrow – thank goodness . I’m looking forward to listening to some more of them soon.

On another note, I left in the dark this morning to go to a networking group and was driving along a country lane with my head lights on full beam. I saw the lights of another car coming so dipped my lights only to have him put his / hers full on directly at me. I amused myself with the dialogue that went on in my head. It went from ‘ how can someone be so angry so early in the morning because I did not drip my headlights the micro second I saw them ‘ to ‘ bet his office is fun to work in ‘ to ‘ bet he has a small knob and is making up for it with aggression’ and then to ‘ maybe someone recognised my number plate and was saying hello (!).’ And then I heard myself – after having the internal dialogue for about ten minutes – saying ‘ does Everything need to be subjected to analysis ?!!!’ Well – yes – at the moment everything does because I enjoy the process. John would most likely make some comment about the energy all this takes up and I’m inclined to suggest to myself that all of this is my Ego striving for form and identification. After all, what would happen if I did not have any questions / the voice asking the questions got ignored in preference for ‘Being………….? ‘ This stuff is great – at least I can smile at myself. I’m looking forward to seeing him tomorrow.

Saturday 7th January – I had such a good session with John on Thursday. I had wondered what we would do and to be honest a lot of me wanted to talk about alcohol again however I am so bored with talking about it. I have sat in his chair many times and said ‘ I want to stop drinking completely ‘ and we have had all sorts of deep conversations about it which have given me control and I can go for weeks without a drink however then I have one and I beat myself up about it. Which John has rightly said is not good since it creates conflict and an internal battle and I know he’s right – as always – but I still want to give up completely to get to the next level. So when I got to his office yesterday he asked about my drinking and I said I was bored of talking about it. I had given in to his suggestion to stop fighting a battle and accept the fact that I have control. Ofcourse, nothing is ever that simple with John and thereafter proceeded an excellent session which ranged from me being resistant to compliant to getting a headache from the strain of the thoughts and questions and a lot of writing and walking about. He nudged and prodded and knew exactly where he wanted me to go however he would not give me the answer and I thought and thought so hard ( and fought so hard ). It took until 30mins after the session when my mind had spent a good time processing that it all came together followed by a ‘ finally you get it !’ comment from John via email.

So that’s it – a part of a part of me needs / wants to drink. However that part is not me and I doubt it has ever been me but it has been so powerful I have felt it was me and believed it for so long. It is like a naughty needy child. So if it wants a drink now it can get one for itself. And if I would like a drink then that’s fine I shall have one. No battle anymore – I can have one if I want one. There was a lot of other stuff that bubbled up about secrets and enticement and so on which was been deep beyond belief. Too personal for a blogg and I’ve have considered little else for the last few days. Brilliant as ever.

Sunday 8th January – I have spent a good part of the day pondering ‘secrets.’ I came to the conclusion that there are a few types of secrets. Firstly the secret when you buy someone a present. The secret may have the properties of ‘ I can’t wait to give it to them as I know they will love it ‘ and it may have the additional property of ‘ I know they will love it and therefore they will think more highly of me than before ( which makes it become a dependant secret – it is not an altruistic gift . It may be either conditional or unconditional and both properties are interesting). Also the ‘ I know they will love it and think I am clever / thoughtful for thinking of such a good gift – and so on.

Then there are secrets that are personal – like the ones you don’t want anyone else to know about. And this got my mind quite active. Why would you not want others to know your secret – well, may be because its none of their business. Ok – so why not ? Well, because I need to keep some stuff private ( to remain my own individual self. If I someone knows everything then what do I have left for me ? ). I got completely fascinated with this. ie : so why do we feel the need to be individuals / unique / different ? maybe because the difference in us satisifies us that we are unique. So why is that important ? because if we are not unique then we are the same as everyone else. So why does that matter – Because we need to be different. Why : to be unique. And it went round and round. I’m still pondering it and there is alot in the mix about it being all connected to the Ego which craves answers and identification to give it Form. To give it ‘ life.’ However if the Ego is starved of what feeds it – what then ? Well -’ then ‘ is the essence of life itself. The living soul. Free from the virus of the Ego.

Anyway – I also came to the conclusion that secrets are enticing because they are things we know about ourselves or more to the point allow ourselves to do. They are like a child who does something their parents do not allow them to do. So they are enticing because they are rebellious. They are also enticing because its as if the child has grown up inside an adult body but does not realise it is in that body. It can do whatever it wishes now as it has left home however it still feels like it is doing things behind it’s Mothers back. If you expose it to the fact that the mother left a long time ago then the secret loses its appeal. And so on. It has been a thoughtful day. I realised that I do quite a lot of small secret things without realising it – eg. I will take a biscuit out of the box first and eat it in the kitchen before taking the box into the lounge to share. I have no idea why I do this since there are always plenty of biscuits available and I am not carrying any weight and certainly if there is only one left I will not take it. Infact it will stay there til it goes soft and gets thrown away. So – for some reason – I take a biscuit first and it feels great. And I know it feels great because its like a secret biscuit. I never thought of this before today. I do the same with slices of ham or a tomato when I’m cutting a salad. Each thing is a secret thing for me. Maybe it does track back to being at home and waiting to be offered biscuits or sneaking one out of the box so carefully so as not to be noticed. I certainly remember sneaking my mum’s shortbread slices ( which are historic / amazing ) and rearranging the box on several occasions so no one noticed.

So – maybe that’s why when I drink I only drink at home. Never out or infront of other people. Most of my friends think I have almost given up drinking. So to drink at home is like a secret drink and to drink an additional half glass before pouring myself a whole glass is another ‘ secret ‘ drink. An interesting day.

Wednesday 18th January – I have spent a day with voices chattering inside my head quite happily. Well, not all of the time, some of the time they have been quite vocal and angry which has been amusing to listen to. It has been a while since I have been so aware of the various characters / voices in my head as generally they are now on the quiet side. However today was an exception and they escalated towards the end of the day to the point where I heard a very loud voice tell them all to shut up. Which they seem to have respected. The end of the day for me focussed on sorting out a business issue that to be honest I have no legal obligation to bother myself with however its complicated and I don’t want the bother of having to chase people to remind them of their obligations if something goes wrong. So I’ve been suggesting solutions. however its been like dealing with someone who only speaks a different language and has been so exasperating – there has been no connection or understanding or will to co-operate at all. I’ve left it for now and will pick it up again tomorrow. Its been interesting to see how differently I’m dealing with it now as opposed to how I would have dealt with it two years ago pre-John. The voices have been fascinating – the ‘ I’m better than you ‘ voice has been especially vocal. And I can see how arguements start. It’s all calm right now.

Thursday 19th January – I’m very busy at the moment with life in general however its a ‘good’ busy. I had a clear out of my office over Christmas and its now a tad more organised and I’ve adopted a few new rules for myself which keeps stuff in the correct place. I run two businesses and the house from my office so it had started to look and feel chaotic – too chaotic. I’m an organised person ( never ?!!? ) and I’m happier and more content in my office space since my clear out. I feel calm in my life and I feel calm with my boy – we share so many wonderful moments and very little stressful ones. I anchored him a ‘happy star’ about a year ago which is a place in his heart / chest where he stores happy things. We charge it up all the time and if he feels sad he presses it to release a happy feeling. I love it. He loves it. And we have many good moments watching sunsets and sunrises specifically recently charging his anchor. I feel healthy as well. very healthy. I’m barely drinking at all. One half glass in two weeks. The most recent session I did with John sealed it. He got to the absolute core of it and it has opened up an entire thought process. The secrets thing I have mentioned before. I ‘ve got loads and loads of little ‘ secrets’ habits and now I notice them its so interesting. I take biscuits from our biscuit pot, I eat food whilst I am preparing it – neither of which seems out of the ordinary except that I hear a voice in my head talking about me having ‘ a bit that no-one knows about / telling me I’m in control of the food prep or biscuit pot etc. Its like I’m still living at home and am sneaking a biscuit except I’m grown up now and live in my own house and the biscuit pot is mine. So its an out of date secret that I’m still enjoying. Maybe it is reminding me that I’m all grown up and CAN do it now. Who knows – and its late now. There are loads of secret habits in me - in the past I know that I have liked to do stuff for people without being asked or have delivered a piece of work that has not been asked for ( when I taught ) and I think that really what was happening was I was enjoying the secretness of doing something no-one knew about ( to get a reaction ? ). So a lot of it tracks back to attention and control ie. if I do this for you eventhough you did not ask me to do it and I know you will like it and it will help you ‘ then you will like me / need me / make me stand out from the crowd’ and so on. Sometimes I think I am way way ahead and out of this game now ( and then it creeps back and catches me unawares ). I can see it now. And I smile at it. Its been another thoughtful day. I’m also reacting less and less to stuff. I realise now that a lot of what I used to do was impulsive and driven by a reaction ( emotion ) – when I detect it now I pause and think and ‘ walk away ‘ and then come back when I’m ready to make a calm decision. This happens to me a lot. Especially the impulse stuff. I really wanted to send quite a stroppy email today to someone and actually wrote it however as I was writing it I could hear myself having a conversation with my Ego which was battling so hard to send the email. The ‘ I’m better than you ‘ voice was loud and clear. So I left ‘them’ to it and made myself a coffee and by the time I came back all the chemicals has dissapated and I sent a simple one line email. No conflict – just a request. And the emotional reaction was gone. The more I do this the calmer I am getting. I never had anger issues however there was a whirlwind flying round quite a lot of the time. Its calming now and a lot of my emotional control is becoming automatic. John tomorrow – can’t wait.

Monday 23rd January – I had a lovely day yesterday, a friend and her boys and young baby came for lunch. She’s easy and good company and its always a lovely time when we are together. However she told me that one of our mutual friends had lost a large diamond earring on Friday when they had been out walking at Stowe. I found myself later that day reflecting on the thought processes that went through my mind and our conversation. I had repsonded quite quickly that I was sure she would be insured however my friend commented that it would be a shame if the earring was not found because of the sentimental value. I pondered this today. A few years ago pre-John I too would have been drawn towards the sentimental value and the loss however now I’m very different. And its interesting how we attach sentiment and emotion to things – things that ‘ indicate to us how someone else feels about us ( and reassure us every time we wear them of their feelings ), and cars and houses and clothes etc. Its gone 10pm now so I’m not going to write much more – suffice to say that its interesting how we attach emotions to things and then how we react when they are gone, or lost. And the power that those things then ‘ seem to’ have over us. We allow the attachment. I’m less emotionally attached to external stuff now – I’m learning to trust myself. And unconditionality is a big thing for me. Bed now and a listen to one of John’s recordings. A good day. oh – my friend found her earring.

Thursday 26th January – John came to my office today. I was excited and nervous and proud and happy and content and it was great. And a bit weird seeing him sat in my clients chair and me in my chair. He looked comfy and made himself at home. And he popped in just after a client had left so I was buzzing from my session. In my office there is a large old window that looks over the walled garden and it lets in a room full of light and when I get to relaxing a client into hypnosis I offer to close the curtain and if they are happy with this we close it. John said he may choose to leave it open and instead utilize the view – which looks over the garden and onto rolling fields with a few hedges and pathways – and ‘ walk clients down path until they closed their eyes.’ He is so calm. So much of what he does is like this – gentle and easy. Making use of – or rather Being with – what is there. Anyway – its a lovely idea and I’ll use it. My client is a massage therapist and she is giving me a session in two weeks time as a swop and she was asking me about my experiences with massage etc and I said amongst other things that I liked it deep and hard ‘ no messing about.’ She smiled and said it was more about ‘ intent’ than grinding into someone. I liked her word and asked her to repeat it as I hadn’t heard it used in that context before. And then it was interesting as when I was speaking to John we were discussing ‘goals’ and he said he didn’t use that word so much anymore – he preferred ‘ intent.’ And then tonight he shared a blog he is writing with me about his forthcoming meditation / holiday and in it he again used the word ‘ intent.’ I agree – its a better word. And I liked the context both people used it in. I guess its a new word for me. John tomorrow – as always, can’t wait. And – nearly forgot – I am very much starting to trust myself more with regards to hypnotic scripts. I write them thoroughly and meticulously for each client and I enjoy the process and the delivery is important to me. However I’m strating to enjoy going a bit ‘ off piste now.’ I write the script completely and then rely on the clients ‘ state’ to guide me as to which parts to use and when. And this has manifested itself in my reading to my boy in the evening. I know the stories well and now float off on a different tack completely at various intervals for fun. Sometimes to see if he notices and sometimes to move the story on or deepen it. And its a good feeling to know I can. Its interesting because this happened when I did all the work on my needle phobia – suddenly my phobia of spiders / bits of receipt papers (!!) diminished. One process affects another. Its all very fascinating……….

Wednesday 1st Feb – long time since my last blog and I have missed doing it. I have been busy doing homework for my course and seeing a few clients in evenings so the time has been spent equally pleasantly however its nice to be back here. I’m pushing my boundaries tomorrow by finally getting a friend to come over and get me onto face book / twitter etc. and sort out a few bits on my computer – I’m such a techno ‘ not interested’ person and social networking sites leave me cold. I did have quite a deep monent with myself about my techo ‘ not interested’ feelings and eventually came to the conclusion that I feared if they failed in a presentation ( eg powerpoint ) then I would be judged by those watching and seen to be a complete twit. Whereas infact I have been to many presentations where the technology has been far from perfect and never thought any less of the person doing the talk – infact it made them human. So once I had that thought in my mind ( great reframe ) I’m not so technology resistant. I know I trust myself completely talking infront of people and my resistance to technology seems to be me to be typical me – stay in my comfort zone where its ‘ safe.’ So tomorrow I’m going to be very open minded and learn some technology stuff and then use it. Push my boundaries by choice. My office makes me smile ( my Practice one ). Pens and worksheets and paper and props ( a brain for example ) but not a computer in sight ( that’s at home ). John’s office – high tech and very gadgety. I hear myself say ‘ I wish I could do that ‘ and then make no effort to learn the skill – is it ‘ lest I fail or look stupid because I can’t learn it ???!!!’ now there’s a belief. So out of my comfort zone and into a day of tech stuff tomorrow after a breakfast networking meeting which I always look forward to. I am completely at ease there and enjoy it very much. And one of the girls has got me referrals into two dental practices which I’m so grateful for. I’m speaking to them before the weekend and hopefully having meetings to discuss working together. And I got an intro ‘finally’ into a Doctors surgery today – that has been very hard indeed. Apparently they are all very busy with the new changes being made to general practice ( I battle this one with the ‘assumption’ of rejection – mmmmm. Not really – but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was at the back of my head ). An excellent day – always

Sunday 5th Feb – Snow. And we are snowed in again. We always get snowed in as we live ‘in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere.’ Well, not exactly, but that is what hubby thinks. He is not best pleased when this happens as he is a towny – I got my way with the house and he’s never been as fond of it as me, especially today. There was a lot of huffing and puffing and a few failed attempts to get the car out of the drive ( which amused me ). I built a snow creature in the garden with our boy and we had a great time and then we went for a walk down the lane and threw snowballs. It was priceless – his hysterical laughing at the snowballs. Real precious moments. And when we were building our ‘ thing’ it was fascinating to listen to what he was saying to himself as he was adding snow here and there and leaves and twigs. The process was everything. So we have a snow thing in the garden which is actually quite large as the snow was perfect for building and rolled very easily. Took me back years to making snowmen with my mum and dad and sisters. Everyone I spoke to today had built a snow man. Real family stuff. So no school tomorrow as we can’t get out – I’ll clear the drive with my boy and have some more fun. Changing the subject – I had as always a great session with John on Friday. He started talking about walking meditation and I had no idea what he meant except to say that I suspected it was more than worth listening to. He is so profound. He looks at the simplest things and they open out into an entire new world. So walking meditation ( or my version of it ) is basically awareness of the things you see, how you see then, where, when, to the side, in front, etc and the stories that we attach to what we see and the voices we hear and assumptions we make and so on and the general amount of ‘ noise’ and effort that all this makes/takes. Then to take bits out and notice the difference. I’ve been playing with it all weekend – have you ever noticed how fast stuff goes by your periferal vision especially when driving or even walking, and how slow the stuff in front of you is ? And the difference between what you look at and what you see ? I’ve been having fun all weekend. Then there was the fun of John asking for a lift into Buckingham – my immediate reaction ( after yes ) was ‘ oh no – I wish I’d hoovered the car out / is it tidy / what music have I got on the cd player ‘which I shared with John. So interesting that those were the first thoughts – old beliefs and fear of being judged. Which is obviously a joke given John is the last person to judge anyone. So I amused myself and ofcourse did not care at all about the fact that the car was due a hoover. And driving with him was like being on my driving test. It was a thoughtful and amusing short trip. A lovely day today.

Do you believe what you see?

John — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 16:43:01 +0000

As you move your eyes around the image you’ll perhaps see the circles all rotating or jiggling back and forth.

However, as you focus on one single yellow ball they all freeze!

Take a moment to play around and see how your perspective modifies the results you get.

What is real? Is my image in fact a video? Are your eyes tricking you? Is your brain tricking you? Of course, this is a still image and the movement is an optical illusion.

How else are we fooled?

We have learned during our lives that our eyes can be tricked or perhaps our mind can be duped and we have seemed to just accept it and come to terms with it. It’s like when you look at one of those big pictures that is made from thousands of dots – and you stare and stare and all you see are dots, then suddenly out of nowhere you can see a whale or some obvious shape – and then it’s hard to not see it.

So optically, we some how accept that we can be tricked by somebody else’s work, we just notice the discrepancy from what we are expecting and then we begin to doubt it.

Are we also being fooled by our thoughts and beliefs?

What interests me though, is how we trick ourselves with our thoughts and our beliefs – and because they are inside us, created by us, we tend to believe them as being true. What I’d like to propose to you is that; our mind, our ego, our fears of being hurt or rejected or not good enough are continuously playing audio tricks in our mind!

That voice in your mind that says “You had better not ask for a pay rise because the boss will just be dismissive and that will feel bad.” Or the voice in your mind that says “Well, I know it’s not a perfect relationship, but it’s better than nothing…” Who says these are true?

Audio illusions

I like to call these audio illusions – because often they just are not true! However, our ego likes to believe they are true – because our ego wants us to be safe, because our ego doesn’t want us to have any conflict, because our ego doesn’t want us to look foolish or feel embarrassed – and so many people believe these stories in their minds of what they can’t do or what they shouldn’t do (which is a belief) and so they don’t do things that perhaps would improve the emotional quality of their lives, all because a little voice in their mind was afraid.

What if that thought (that you believe) was an audio illusion? What if it wasn’t actually true? What if it felt true, but it wasn’t? What if it was just something you learned whilst growing up – a belief, about what you should or shouldn’t do – so you could gain a reward and steer clear of any punishment?

How might your life change if you could recognise audio illusions – “Ahh, I saw that, my mind was trying to scare me into not standing up for myself – I’m not falling for that old illusion anymore…” Can you see how life might take on a new perspective?

What about the person who is afraid to say NO? What is the audio illusion that they are listening to? It’s probably about guilt, “what if I don’t help them, what will they think of me..?” It’s time to wake up to all the fearful games our ego and our mind plays on us – and to start questioning our beliefs.

And another thing to consider is how your Locus of Control may be influencing the thought illusions in your mind – you can read about your Locus of Control HERE…

The 10 commandments for more happiness

John — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 08:06:26 +0000

1. The reason we forgive others, is because we don’t want to beat ourselves up anymore with the stories that go around and around in our minds.

2. Remember that nothing is more important than feeling good.

3. Your body responds to what you hold in mind. Good thoughts deliver good feelings, bad thoughts deliver bad feelings, silence delivers blissful feelings.

4. The voices in your mind are not you, they are in you but not you, if they were you, they would shut up when you asked them.

5. Treat yourself with love and respect.

6. Treat others the way THEY would like to be treated, we are not all the same.

7. Love yourself before you love others, putting yourself first is not being selfish, it allows you to fully be there for them when appropriate (stop being needy.)

8. Good and bad will happen, it’s not personal, they will pass, don’t dwell on the negative.

9. Regularly daydream because as you dream your future you are creating the road map for your unconscious mind.

10. If what you currently think has got you where you currently are, perhaps it’s time to change how you think and it will take you to new places.

And 3 more big ones..

11. The speed with which you move from where you are, to where you want to be, is a function of how heavily you cling to your old beliefs and the strength of your desire to change.

12. Live in the now, any other way is trapping you in the past or delaying things to the future. In reality there is only ever the now.

13. For every force there is an equal and opposite force, life will push back, people will push back, there are only three responses; Accept it, Change it or Fight it.

And the ultimate 4…

14. Don’t take anything personally, nothing anyone does is because of you – that is an illusion.

15. Do your best each day, knowing that your best will differ from day to day.

16. Stop making assumptions, we don’t know what is going on other peoples minds – ask them.

17. Be impeccable with what you say, speak with integrity, especially to yourself.

Need some help with implementing these?

If you are ready to take more control of your emotions and desires, I can help you see yourself from a whole new perspective and teach you how to recognise and change your old outdated beliefs that trap you in uncomfortable anxious and fear based emotions. Sensible life coaching for sensible people. Give me a call 01280 823059