Spirituality (non-religious) – What works for me

Religion versus Spirituality

To me, religion is a more of an institutionalised system with a lot of rules and processes that are required to be adhered to; whereas, spirituality is much more personal. Religiosity seems more outwardly orientated, doctrinal, authoritarian and inhibits some personal expression, whilst spirituality often implies more subjective, emotional, inward-orientation with the freedom to be freely expressive. I believe that they are similar, yet different and that you don’t need to be religious to be spiritual (and it is OK if you are!)

For me, cognitive flexibility is one outcome of being spiritual rather than religious that I find is a powerful tool to keep me healthy and motivated. Because coping responses that are built around fixed rules and inflexible strategies mean that you have to try harder at the same thing if it is not working in the first instance, whereas trying a new approach or moving to a new point of view may often help you to overcome your challenges sooner and with less emotional stress.

What spiritually works for me…

There comes a point in personal development and therapy where there are no more answers, you can’t just say “do this and you will feel xyz…” – at this point some people realise that a new paradigm is required if they want to live their life in a way that makes them feel free and happy. To me, that’s what spirituality is, a way of living that is kind and thoughtful – yet trusts that things will unfold in a positive way and if they don’t, well, I’ll still be alright and perhaps the less good things need to happen in the context of the bigger picture.

“So, if you want to grow spiritually, it’s so simple, that it’s overlooked all the time. It’s a decision to be loving and kind towards all of life, including your own, at all times no matter what. To be forgiving, to be gentle, to be that which is supportive of life – so it becomes not what you do, but who you are. You become that which supports life, supports all endeavours, it encourages those who need encouragement and it becomes the energy of life itself.” Dr. David Hawkins

I come from a scientific and non-religious background and for many years struggled with the concept of spirituality and the many diverse ways of trying to understand what spirituality is. On my own long journey I have found a balance that I am comfortable with, perhaps not the God with a beard, but a power, an energy,  perhaps some form of divinity that  I would call spiritual (with a small s) that helps me to connect with inner peace, happiness and more fully understanding myself. I’m NOT into crystals, angels and tree hugging (but I’m OK with those who are) and have come to realise that there are tangible elements out there that transcend logical conscious descriptions.

“With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly ‘for their own good’. To be a committed spiritual seeker, it is necessary to relinquish the desire to be ‘right’ or of imaginary value to society. In fact, no body’s ego or belief systems are of any value to society at all. The world is neither good nor bad nor defective, nor is it in need of help or modification because its appearance is only a projection of one’s own mind. No such world exists. Simple kindness to one’s self and all that lives is the most powerful transformational force of all.”

By not restricting your mind to the limits of Newtonian logic, you allow new concepts to become open for investigation. My personal experience and results from working with many clients has led me to firmly believe that inner calmness, self love, helping others and confidence come from stopping the voices in our mind and not believing what they say – realising that they are not us (big step I know! But possible) and that they cause a whole load of unnecessary emotional suffering.

Spiritual values and beliefs

I am a strong believer that if you can articulate your values then decision making becomes far easier and emotional calmness follows. My personal values have been influenced heavily by my spirituality – you can read about My Values here….

Letting go of the ego

By letting go of the ego you can see the world in a whole new way, no longer dependant on what others think or do, you become released to explore what makes sense to you. I was recently in a restaurant and we were seated at a table where one seat was facing into the room and the other left its occupant facing a wall. Unconsciously my old habits and learning’s fired off and as I had been taught over the years and I naturally guided my wife to the chair with the view. She however, said that she wanted me to have that chair today. An uncomfortable feeling came over me as I reluctantly took that position, I sat with that feeling for a few moments and then realised what was going on in my mind,  my ego was so concerned that other people would see me and judge me for not being a Gentleman (according to what it thought a Gentleman would do) that it felt threatened – and this happened in a few seconds, under the radar and based on a lifetime of domestication and learning which ended with me experiencing uncomfortable feelings so I would make it ‘right’ - I just smiled to myself upon that realisation and got on with having a lovely evening. This is just one example of the importance of letting go of the ego and just enjoying life.

Quietening the unconscious mind

I found that we can communicate quite effectively with our own unconscious mind and that we are one giant biological chemistry set, we can dose our selves up with chemicals and emotions that feel bad (we can do this easily) more importantly, we can generate a whole new set of thoughts and feelings that dose us up with a very nice set of feelings. One of the simplest aspects (to me) of spirituality is about not having to be right or wrong, best or worst, not having to justify yourself or judge other people – just being comfortable with yourself and helping others where you can.

Many of the fields I studied left me shaking my head, whilst others seemed too good to be true. Personally, the jury is out on how many of these ethereal spiritual concepts work, however, I found that if you take the good bits from each (even if it is only used as a sensible concept) you can construct a way of being that makes sense and more importantly, leaves you feeling really calm and good on the inside – and surely, that’s what it’s all about.

If you are interested I can share my findings with you – Of course, I can only talk about what worked for me – but it has worked! I find the work of Dr. David R Hawkins fascinating and extremely thought provoking.

Dr. David R Hawkins – What is spirituality?

“So, if you want to grow spiritually, it’s so simple, that it’s overlooked all the time. It’s a decision to be loving and kind towards all of life, including your own, at all times no matter what. To be forgiving, to be gentle, to be that which is supportive of life – so it becomes not what you do, but who you are. You become that which supports life, supports all endeavours, it encourages those who need encouragement and it becomes the energy of life itself.”

“The more we give love, the greater our capacity to do so.”

“Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give.”

“That which you resist stays.”

“Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually, it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others.”

“Everything you see happening is the consequence of that which you are.”

“Every thought, action, decision or feeling creates an eddy in the interlocking, interbalancing, ever-moving energy fields of life, leaving a permanent record for all of time. This realization can be intimidating when it first dawns on us, but it becomes a springboard for rapid evolution.”

“We change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we have become.”

“All judgment reveals itself to be self-judgment in the end, and when this is understood a larger comprehension of the nature of life takes its place.”

“The readiness to initiate the journey cannot be forced nor can people be faulted if it has not occurred in them as yet. The level of consciousness has to have advanced to the stage where such an intention would be meaningful and attractive.”

“The downside of spiritual education is the buildup of the vanity of ‘I know’ and the devaluation of people who are ‘not spiritual’. Therefore it is important as a foundation to spiritual training and education to learn how consciousness manifests as the ego and its mechanisms.”

“It is only the minority of people who seek self-improvement or personal growth. This is because whatever one’s self-criticisms, one secretly really believes that one’s way of being is okay and probably the only correct one. They are all right as they are, and all problems are caused by other people’s selfishness, unfairness, and by the external world.”

“Spiritual evolution occurs as the result of removing obstacles and not actually acquiring anything new. Devotion enables surrender of the mind’s vanities and cherished illusions so that it progressively becomes more free and more open to the light of Truth.”

“Everybody is like a magnet. You attract to yourself reflections of that which you are. If you’re friendly then everybody else seems to be friendly too.”

“Why give the ego more power by resisting and opposing it?”

“With spiritual work, the terms ‘is’ or ‘are’ become progressively replaced by the term ‘seems to’, which is due to the increasing realization of the degree to which perception is the mask that hinders truth.”

Spiritual concepts worth a look

For anyone starting out on a journey of discovery, here are a few concepts that I feel are worth exploring:

Book – Dr. David R Hawkins – Power versus Force

Book – don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements

Film – What the Bleep Do We Know

One Response to “Spirituality (non-religious) – What works for me”

1. Claire Turkington says:

   November 8, 2009 at 1:34 am

   I like the simplicity of your views, not completely dialing into any one philosophy. I have always found that there is more to life than what we can see and touch and that emotions are where it all happens. Great site and thanks for all your information.